comforts

The comforts cannot be measured--the needed cup of coffee, the fuzzy robe, the lightbulb that hasn't yet burned out, the wind outside that can't get in, the chocolate cake for breakfast, the good morning kisss from a loving husband, even the long list of work yet to be done is comforting because it is there--existing--reminding that there are accomplishments still on the horizon.

the comforts cannot be measured, they are innumerable when considered, and unfathomably deeper when weighed against the things that make life more difficult. The ripples of a stone in a peaceful lake only race across the surface, they don't dream of penetrating the heaviness of the waters that is the comforted spirit.

I make comforts for my husband. I think that's why I've fallen in love with cooking so much and work at it as obsessively as I have been recently. Well, I don't have a real job, so I have lots of time on my hands, but also, I have found a great deal of fulfilment in making comforts for him and for others. I think he understands, but even if he doesn't, I don't think he has to consciously be aware of the significane of what he's ingesting to receive.

He has a really important show tonight with Beekeeper and then he's going to be gone all weekend shooting a music video for Farewell Continental out in the cold woods of Osseo, WI. Somewhere in there he has homework to get done. and a test in his class Monday morning. Comfort foods are the least I can do.

Vegetarian Chili--Chop and toss

This recipe is really just a chop and toss. No real recipe at all. Just whatever you're wanting in your chili that day, into a pot, and simmered.

today it was:

1 red, orange, and yellow pepper, diced

1 package button mushrooms, chopped

1 yellow onion

2 cans diced tomatoes, with water (sometimes I drain them for a chunkier batch)

2 cans veggie stock

half a bag frozen corn (like a cup-cup and a half)
1 can canellini beans, drained
1 can dark red kidney beans, drained
chili powder, salt, pepper, tobasco, cumin to taste

optional: serve with cheese, sour cream, or chives.

I've used in the past:
cayenne, chipotle flakes, red pepper flakes, black beans, light red kidney beans, great northern beans, green peppers, zucchini, cremini mushrooms, carrots, white onion

I don't like to use fake meat in my chili--it darkens the taste too much and you loose the vague cripsness of the veggies and the distinct flavor of each of the veggies, plus mixing too many textures is not something I'm a fan of.

I also made french bread:

Again, the Joy of Cooking is where I go for my baking recipes because I wouldn't know what to do on my own.

4 cups all purpose flour

2 teaspoons salt

1 package (2 1/4 tablespoons) yeast

sift together, then add 1 1/2 cup water at room temp.

stir and stir until your arm falls off and the dough is soft and elastic.

put in an oiled bowl, cover with plastic wrap and let rise in a warm place for 2 hours.

when dough has doubled, punch down (that's my favorite part!)

separate into two loaves (or one big one if you have a big enough baking sheet), put on greased baking sheet and let sit until they've risen to somewhat less that double. Score with a kife in a couple spots at a 45 degree angle.

preheat oven to 400. preheat a seperate baking pan (like a cake pan). Take out of the oven and add 1 cup water (should steam a little) Put back in the oven and put bread in on the middle rack (water pan on the bottom).

bake at 400 for 15 minutes

turn down to 350 and bake for another 30-ish. 30 gave me bread that was still really soft inside. If you're a crusty person, go longer.

the water pan helps give the hard outer crust everyone loves on french bread.

the recipe said to also brush the loaves with a 1-egg white and 1 tablespoon water mixture to darken the crust like 5 min before it's done baking, but I buy expensive eggs and wasn't about to waste an egg white for darker crust. I'm pretty sure it tastes the same.

My loaves were kind of fat--a thinner, more bakery style long loaf will probably take less baking time to get all crusty.

And then, to top off the evening, I made Sarah K's vegan chocolate cake. I had everything but cider vinegar, but I swapped it for white wine vinegar, so I figured as long as I had everything, I might as well go for it!

that's Josh, eating the cake.

Thus ending a day of comforts.

In Transition

Blackberries go well with white wine. In case you're looking for a nice snack.

I have yet to fulfil what the state now says I can be: a teacher. My task is clear: apply for as many jobs as possible, yet the prospect of such a task is more than daunting to my easily anxious spirit. I am also seeking a summer job, ideally one that will help my resume, but in reality, anything. I will substitute teach for Nancy for 5 weeks, but need something to carry us over until the fall when, God willing, I will have a full-time job. The finances are still tight, but then what young couples' aren't? I changed our auto insurance to save 30 dollars a month, which will really add up. We're also still cleaning the church once a week for some extra money, but with me only working 1-2 shifts a week at Urban because of Student teaching and now the economy, our savings has taken a hit and my credit card balance lingers for the first time since I've had it.

I am resolved in my spirit, that we'll be ok.

Resolved enough that I made a rather adventerous dinner tonight.

Cous Cous Stuffed Peppers!

Here it is:

Prep: Hollow out 2-4 nice sized red peppers. Green work too.

Dice:

half a white onion

half a green pepper

half a long zucchini

3-4 roma tomatoes

Open and drain:

can of black beans

can of chick peas

in a large skillet, soften onion and green pepper in 3 table spoons oil 5-10 minutes over medium heat.

add zucchini and half of each can of beans

cook for 5 ish minutes

add tomatoes and a splash of balsamic vinegar, a teaspoon cumin, red pepper flakes to taste, salt, and pepper.

While cooking, prepare cous cous--2-3 servings for 4 peppers.

add vegetables to cous cous, mix well, add a third of a cup mozarella cheese and a little less than a 1/3 cup feta cheese--mix well.

add fresh parsley and cilantro--a tablespoon or so of each.

spoon into hollowed out peppers

put into round pan (keeps them from falling over)

bake at 400 for 25 ish minutes. You want the peppers really soft.

Options:

*top with more cheese (any kind really) for a cheese-crusted top

*rub peppers with olive oil and sprinkle with salt before filling (watch more carefully so they don't burn, but this will char them more if you're looking for a more smoky, grilled taste)

*broil the last 5-10 minutes to brown and char for a grilled taste

*substitue cheese for parmesan or pepperjack for more spice

*use other veggies, add or substitute: corn, other beans, scallions, carrots, different colored peppers, eggplant, use rice instead of cous cous, etc.

*omit the cheese or use soy cheese and this dish is vegan.

Any extra veggie-cous cous filling can be eaten on it's own for a tasty warm salad, or put in a pita or as a flatbread salad.

Josh gives it his seal of approval.

Thai Soup

Well, my long anticipated plans for the evening have been cancelled, leaving me with many long hours to fill by myself. So I'll finish my food blogging from the last few days. I made thai soup Monday night and shared with Mike and Tasia.

Check it:

Soak a package of rice noodles in warm water (enough to completely submerge the noodles) for 2 hours. Spice the water with salt, ginger, red pepper flakes, and whatever asian spices you have.

Dice and set aside:

Serrano peppers

Ref jalapenos or Red Fresno peppers

Green or Red thai chilis

as many peppers as your spice taste prefers. For a large pot I used 4 serranos and 3 Red Fresnos. The Thai chilis at Cub looked nasty so I skipped them this time.

On medium heat, sautee 3 large-ish shallots in 4 tablespoons veggie oil

when translucent, add peppers, garlic (3 ish cloves), salt, pepper

Add the zest and juice of a lime

cook down a few minutes and add:

8-10 oz. mushrooms--combination of cremini, button, and shitake are great.

3-4 carrots worth of shreddings, chopped so they aren't like carrot-noodles

cook down some more.

Add about have a package of bean sprouts (I never use a full package for anything, so if you can find them in bulk where you can buy just what you need, that's perfect. About a cup).

add three cans veggie stock

re-season as necessary (ginger, salt, pepper, garlic, red pepper flakes, chinese 5 spice, etc.)

toss in rice noodles and some of the noodle water

simmer until combined.

Garnish with cilantro and basil.

Other ideas: Thai soup and most asian dishes are famously versitile. I had lemon grass in this batch, though wasn't able to get it soft enough to be completely palatable. If you love lemon grass and can cook with it, add it! You can modify the type and amount of peppers, or any other vegetable for that matter. Bok choy or Napa cabbage shredded finely would be a nice addition as well. You could totally use fresh ginger root too, sliced extremely finely and diced. Add some soy sauce or try bean-thread noodles for a change, or for meat lovers, use pork, shrimp or chicken. The broth and noodles are really delicate and the citrus flavor of the lime (and optional lemongrass) really come through so you'll want a meat that pairs well--avoid beef.

The noodles break up after a day or so being stored in the fridge. Best if eaten within a 1-3 days of preparation.

That's what I have so far this week. I'm making butternut squash risotto tonight (a variation of Giada's recipe), I might post that. Otherwise, I'm out of cool food for the week. I'm not really working yet because my license is still in process so the food budget is really tight. Just so you know, though, the soup was right around $16.50 to make, not counting spices. So, that's around 8-10 bowls in the batch so that's somewhere between $1.60-2.06 per serving. I'm becoming a master at economical cooking.

Flatbread

Josh loves my hummus. I make it all sorts of different ways. And it's super cheap-- cooked chickpeas, olive oil, lemon juice, garlic, salt, and pepper. All in the blender or food processor.

The problem is that store-bough pita bread or flat bread to eat with it is 3.00 for a bag of 5 breads.

This recipe makes 8 pieces of flatbread that are larger, softer, and probably healthier than the store bought kind for less money. I'm estimating the cost for this recipe to be about $1.50 taking into account the cost per cup of flour and per package of yeast.

(Ps. this recipe was taken from the new edition of The Joy of Cooking and is unmodified)

Combine in a large bowl:

3 cups bread flour

1 1/2 tablespoons sugar

1 1/2 teaspoons salt

2 packages active dry yeast (1 1/2 table spoons)

add:

2 tablespoons melted butter

1 1/4 cups room temperature water

mix well, then knead for 10 ish mintues until the dough is "soft, smooth, and elastic"

I found that I had to add a tiny bit of flour now and again to keep it from getting too sticky. It should be soft and tacky, but shouldn't stick .

put into an oiled bowl, turn once to cover dough with oil, cover with plastic wrap (I used a slightly damp, warm dishtowel) and let sit for 1-1 1/2 hours until the dough has doubled in size.

once doubled, divide into eight equally sized balls and let rest for 20 minutes.

then roll each out to an eight-inch round, fairly thin flatbread looking thing. The thinner the better, I think, just no holes or tearing spots.

Apparently it's best to cook on a baking stone, but I don't have one, so this is what the book told me to do:

invert a pizza, baking, or cookie sheet or pan and put in a 450 degree oven for 5 ish minutes to heat through.

remove from oven, spritz with water, wait 30 seconds, then place pitas on the inverted pan (as many that will fit without touching--like 2-3).

cook at 450 degrees for 3-4 minutes until the air pockets puff up, some will puff a lot, others just barely. Wait another 30 seconds, then remove from oven, place on cooling rack immediately.

they're supposed to be soft, maybe a tish of brown around the bottom edges, but not crispy. Toast them right before eating if you want a crispy flatbread. If you make them crispy at this initial baking stage, I imagine you'll have nasty brown frisbees instead of flatbreads.

eat! No preservatives so they'll probably only last 3-4 days if stored in a cool, air-tight place.

cupcakes and flatbread

Hello and welcome to my evening alone with Joshua gone at practice for nearly five hours. Whenever he is gone I get all sorts of crazy ideas and usually bake myself right out of all usable dishes.

Here's what I did tonight since Erin will want the recipe:

Black Forest Cupcakes:

Makes 24-26 cupcakes....share them with friends. Much like a good song, cupcakes are meant to share.

Combine over a double boiler or makeshift contraption:

4 oz. unsweetened baker's chocolate, finely chopped
1/2 cup milk

1 cup packed brown sugar
1 large egg yolk

stir continuously until smooth. Remove from heat. Set aside.

Combine in a separate bowl:

2 cups sifted cake flour (or 7/8 cup all purpose flour with 1/8 cup cornstartch=one cup cake flour)

1 tsp. baking soda

1/2 tsp salt.

Combine in a separate bowl (I use a liquid measuring cup for easy pouring later)

1/2 cup mile

1/4 cup water

1 1/2 tsp. vanilla.

Beat in separate (large) bowl:

1 stick softened butter

add in while still beating:

1 cup sugar and 2 large egg yolks

then slowly add half the flour mixture, followed by half the liquid mixture, half the flour, rest of the liquid.

stir in the cooled chocolate mixture

fold in 2-3 large egg whites, beaten until fluffy, no longer liquid, but not too hard.

fold in a quarter cup to a third of a cup canned cherry goo. Get the pie filling kind with the cherries and goo.

Fill paper muffin cups with enough batter to cover the bottom

Then spoon in two canned cherries plus some goo.

Cover with more cupcake batter.

bake at 350 degrees for 20-25 minutes--potentially longer depending on how full your cupcakes are.

Let cool in pan for 5-8 minutes before removing to cooling rack.

They will be moister than most cupcakes because of the egg whites, extra cherry goo and cherries in the middle.

Wait to frost until completely cool.

Frosting:

heat over a double boiler until smooth

3 oz. unsweetened bakers chocolate, finely chopped.

3 tablespoons unsaleted butter

Remove from heat and add:

1/4 cup hot coffee (I like mine really strong, gives it a really dark flavor) could also use cream or milk.

1 teaspoon vanilla (I used 1 1/2 because I'm awesome)

gradually beat or stir in 2-1/4 cups confectioner's sugar.

It's a fairly liquidy frosting, letting it set for 5-10 minutes will thicken it up. Stir well before drizzling or spreading over cupcakes.

for more of a glaze, use an extra tablespoon of butter and substitute some regular granulated sugar for the confectioner's sugar. Not as thick, better for drizzling.

and of course, put a cherry on top of each cupcake. let frosting solidify before eating unless you're using a plate and fork.

I'll post the flatbread recipe later...great for dipping in oil, hummus, to toast with some olive oil and herbs to go with a salad, or just to eat :) stay tuned.

"What dies before me is myself alone:
What lives again? Only a man of straw--
Yet straw can feed a fire to melt down stone."

Theodore Roethke, notes.

How lovely--to simply be straw for the fire.
To be utterly and completely devoted to the colorful, consuming, passionate fire of something bigger than oneself.

I suppose that we could all be straw for something: for art, for music, for relationship, for a cause, for peace, for justice, for youth, for education, for God--truly, I understand this idea best in light of God's power and glory; "For our God is a consuming fire" one translation even says.

And yet, a man can be straw for a fire than can melt stone--melt stone. How powerful, supernatural, that stone--a heart of stone, something as heavy and immovable as stone, as intimidating as a large stone obstacle--can literally and figuratively melt through the force of the fire that a man can feed with the parts of him that "live again," or, have been reduced to straw.

What remains after a death? After a loss? After tragedy and change? Roethke asserts what is left is a man of straw, seemingly useless, yet powerful in his ability to feed something larger, greater, and more powerful than himself. Or myself.

What dies before me is myself alone:
What lives again? Only a man of straw.

how lovely.

new wordle

Everything that dies someday comes back

In the spirit of the Boss, who will always have my heart, and inspiration from a fellow Bruce lover, I have been seeing the truth of this phrase replayed over and over in the past days.

Spring, for example, reminding me through this unseasonal rain that she'll be back after dying slowing in a blaze of radiant reds and yellows.

And what I've realized in this is the truth about dreams. Dreams often die with age, with seasons of life, with changing geographies and friendships, education and relationships....but they always come back.

The dream to open my own studio, for example, or to see Machu Piccu, or to learn to paint, and make homemade pasta; to learn spanish, to write and be published, to speak and be heard....they all come back slowly, growing steadily in the underground parts of my mind only to shoot up like the first tulip greens--unexpectedly still for all the waiting--fed by waters I didn't even realize were seeping into my spirit.

Even childhood dreams--the dancer, the painter, the mother, the gardener--everything I wanted to be and dreamed of being comes back from time to time, jogging a sensory-form of nostalgia from the feel of pointe ribbons, the smell of paint, a friend's beautiful baby, and the miracle of a landscape of little growing wonders.

reminding me that everything that dies someday comes back

but what to do with the presence of once-lost dreams?

what does one do with the ghosts that manifest, the baby stalks of memory returning--will they crowd and choke the present, blocking the sun, or be a lovely and fulfilling addition to the garden? Does Spring bring blessings among curse? Do the rains forgive fickle memories and breakdowns in willpower to nourish second chances?

everything someday comes back

with all good intentions to start this, I find myself with insufferable headaches as a result of the teacher licensing process instead....

perhaps after writing group tonight, I will have something to share.