a student wrote me a letter saying that I've changed his life.

I can't get over this.

havent's

So here it goes:

I haven't blogged in a while

I haven't cooked something new in a while

I haven't worked on my own reading list in a while

I haven't cleaned in a REALLY long while

I haven't worked out in an even longer while

I HAVE been grading like it's an obsession. it sucks.

I HAVE been successfully teaching Romeo and Juliet to reluctant 9th graders

I HAVE been going to the farmers' market

I HAVE been making plans for the summer for the writers' group

I HAVE been filling out job applications.

I wish most of the haves and haven'ts were switched around. however, this is not the reality.

I'm making a spring soup tonight. probably last soup of the season because it's too hot in our apartment usually.

it'll be good. and I'll someday have what I don't have currently.

I have successfully navigated my first real day as a long term sub with only minor awkwardness.

but I am normally just an awkward person.

tasty treats

some treats from the last little while.....

Red Miso Soup

Cheesy-garlic drop biscuits

Mediteranean Noodles with fake chicken.

Lots of things going on recently... my grandma passed away Sunday and the funeral is friday, which means I can't be with a friend on an important day, but she's incredible and was 100 percent supportive...but I still feel bad more for my own sake because I really wanted to be there for her.

So I'm off to Fargo Thursday and it's hard because of the situation and because funerals are always hard. My dad's been there all week and he doesn't sleep when he's out of town, poor guy. And my grandma was incredibly unhealthy, and, to be perfectly honest, it's a little surprising that she's made it this long. My friend Lyn told me that it was all for a reason, because we thought she was going to go this past summer, but didn't. I think it was so that she could die in her home, after spending a nice evening with her brother, after visiting some friends, and not with a feeding tube in a hospital. I think it was God reminding those around her that she was more than all her illnesses. Granted, they consumed her, her addictions, her illnesses, her anxiety, her depression, and her own doubt consumed her, but to her siblings, she was more than that and I'm glad they got to spend some more time with her.

I'm reading at the funeral. That's part of the list of to-dos for today. Figure it out.

I've also been picking up some hours at church again, which is a huge blessing. Josh's tips have been way down and I have hardly been working since I graduated because Urban can't give me more than 4-8 hours a week. Trying to supplement with this independant tutoring company, but it's such a wreck. If it would work, it would be incredible, but so far, I'm less than impressed with their organziation.

signing off to try to be productive.

My Heart: An Invitation

I’m coming to a place where I can say that I don’t understand. I don’t understand why I believe that God is real. Or that Jesus is my Savior. Or that the Bible is truth reflected in language. I simply don’t know understand, except that I do.

Maybe I can’t explain it in empirical terms, or with linear evidence—but that’s the beauty—God is so much bigger than all of that. He exists where my mind simply can’t comprehend except to say that I feel His presence and simply understand that He is everything and more.

One of my favorite songs even challenges—“I think our God isn’t God if he fits inside our heads” demanding that we remove God from our western, linear, boxed mindset and let him be King and savior instead of limiting him to a pew on Sunday morning. While I may be made in the image of the divine, I am certainly a long way from fulfilling that destiny—something that probably can’t be achieved this side of Heaven, but I do believe that we are created for amazing things. We are created to create, accomplish, discover, heal, love, believe, sing, and grow into the people he has given us the possibility to be. We are created for amazing things—how else would we have Michelangelo? Mozart? Martin Luther King, Jr? Jane Austen? Mary Shelley? Maya Angelou? How else would we be able to create songs, to write words that hang with a powerful tension in the air, that rise and grow and build to the point of a near religious experience—if it were not intended for us to do by God? How else would we be able to write, to speak, to create works of fiction and personal revelation with an eloquence that belies our shortcomings if not for the purpose that lies within us like a seed planted from the hand of God?

I may not know much, I may not even really understand the truth when it hits me in the face, but I don’t think anyone has it all figured out. It is enough for me to love, be loved, and believe. And in this, I have grown to a place where I know I have a purpose—a mission, an intention, and reason for being here. I have a heart for artists—for the writers, musicians, painters, scholars, and dancers—who have been called and created by God to be extraordinary, but who, for many reasons including doubt, fear, and lies, have not yet found their voice in a world of other loud, hurtful, and unloving voices. The purpose of art is to inspire, to love, to shake, and to reflect divinity. I believe we all have that in us. But have not yet found our voices.
I think I am finding my voice. And this is my purpose: To restore and uncover the songs and stories of the voiceless.

On some level, I’ve known this all along. It’s why I am a teacher. It’s why I sit and listen to whoever will talk at me. It’s why I lead a group of aspiring writers and artists on Monday nights—instilling avenues and confidence where there was not before.
I’m in love with this book called Walking on Water: Reflections of Art and Faith by Madeline L’Engle. In it, she asserts that we all are created in the image of God, and by extension, we are creators and meant to create life, love, and art on this earth. My heart leapt at the idea—this is why we have this insatiable desire to make things, to try things, to create, to experiment—because we are being taught how to be like our creator. She also says that God’s children have always been capable of the divine—that we should be able to walk on water just as Jesus did—if only we could remember our purpose and remember our image.
And that’s what I’m doing—I’m walking on water. I’m leading and teaching a group of young people how to be creators, I’m in front of classrooms of students telling them they can write, and create, and express themselves, and I’m recalling the divine within my own being. But the hard thing is that not many of us can learn to walk on water on our own. We need to be taught, we need modeling, we need encouragement, and people around us to say, “step out of that boat” as Jesus said to Peter.

And I’ve realized how I’ve come here. My Church family, my little cohort of Sojourners who have promised to help me find my sea legs. My church family is a beautiful, dysfunctional, multigenerational conglomeration of people who all happen to show up on a Sunday morning, but who also love me unconditionally every single day of the week. Just this past week, one of the elders told me he would pray for me that I found a teaching job in the cities. Another young woman has been praying for the writing group that dreams would be realized. My pastor gives me a creative outlet whenever I need, and encourages my musician husband to explore his art both spiritually and socially. We are welcomed in to people’s lives—in good times and bad. We are sought out to pray and be prayed for. We have seen miracles and pray for even more. It’s not perfect, but then, nothing is really. That’s how it should be, so that we’re always trying to grow and seek God more and become more like him.

My church family has encouraged me to explore what God has for me, and what he wants me to do on this earth. They have believed when I couldn’t even think the word. They have a vision for the twin cities to see lives changed and potentials realized. And I am a product of this vision. I am a product of unyielding faith that Jesus, when welcomed into a heart, can make all things possible.

I have been taught to love. I have always loved—my family, my husband, my friends—but really, to love is more than that. Again, that same song quotes, “I think our love isn’t love unless it’s love to the end” and that’s so true. I have been taught an eternal love that doesn’t stop at shut doors, miles apart, petty fights, differences in opinion or background, or even at the choices people make. Jesus loves to the end—it’s why he died for us, and continues to die for us each and every day as his mercy is constantly pouring out on us. I am learning to be more like Jesus. To create in a world that would rather destroy and consume, to love those who won’t necessarily love me back, to walk in His footsteps when others laugh or think it’s weird, to be fulfilled in the purposes he has for me.

In that, I am so thankful for my church family. The vision of the church is something so powerful—so transforming—I entered as a nominal believer and am now ready to fall on my knees every day and thank God for the powerful transformations he is making in the people around me and around campus. I’m writing this not so that you would spontaneously believe yourself, because faith is anything but convinced or contrived, or so that you would give to the ongoing church need, because I believe God will meet all those needs in His way. But, I’m writing this so that you may consider knowing me better, learning the dimensions of me that you may not have fully understood before. I want you to know all of me and love all of me—especially this newly vocalized part of me that longs to help people create and fulfill their creative potential.

Sunday, March 29th, my church is having a Friendship service where we’re inviting all our friends, family, and past members to share our vision and what God has been doing in the group. There will be a presentation of need as well, as we are a desperately underfunded church, but that will be for former members and adults mostly. The main goal is just to share what we’re about and for people like me to share with their friends what they’re about and how we’re growing into the roles and purposed God has for us. I would love for you to come, just to see how and where I’ve grown, and the vision that has captured my heart to see artists and writers and all sorts of people realize their voices and their creative potential.

The service is at 10:30, at 310 18th Ave SE, Minneapolis, MN parking in the 4th street ramp is free on Sundays. There will be a meal afterwards and lots of time to chat. I would love it so much if a handful of friends could come—I desperately want to show you ALL of me—not just the parts of me that you know from high school, the music community, or from college—but all of me. I want to talk with friends and family and share the stories that are happening as a result of the church’s vision and how they’ve supported me. If you have any questions, please ask, and if you can’t come, that’s just fine too. It won’t be weird and no one will pressure you for your money or your commitment—the goal really is for our members to be able to share themselves and the vision with the people they care about who don’t go to the church—think of it like a “Jaci’s heart open house” :)

Love always,
Jaci

Superheroes

hahahaha!





http://www.cpbintegrated.com/theherofactory/

It's ten minutes worth of great fun.

I have lots of job applications to do. And it makes me nervous that I'll type or write something wrong and won't get a job. It's silly, but I'm still nervous about the whole thing.

befores and afters

Before Josh left to shoot his music video for Farewell Continental, I made him a batch of vegan ginger cookies to take on the road with him to share with the band. Though I didn't plan very well and didn't have soymilk on hand, so I didn't actually make them vegan, but YOU could :)

they're softer than traditional ginger snaps--don't be alarmed. they're still incredibly tasty.

recipe is from Isa Chandra Moskowitz's book Vegan with a Vengeance

2 cups all purpose flour

1 teaspoon baing soda

1/4 teaspoon salt

2 1/2 teaspoons ground ginger

1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon ground cloves (I had to grind mine in my coffee grinder)

1/2 cup canola oil (I use whatever vegetable-based oil I have)

1/4 cup molasses

1/4 cup soymilk (I haven't noticed a difference really, using whole or 1 percent milk instead)

1 cup sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

4 tablespoons turbinado sugar ( I use regular granulated sugar) for "sparkling" the tops.

preheat oven to 35 degrees. lightly grease two cookie sheets.

mike the dry and wet indredients in different bowls, then mix together.

roll into 1 inch balls, press flat and place into turbinado sugar (or regular sugar) in a seperate bowl to "sparkle" the top.

place on cookie sheet, sugar side up, one inch apart.

bake for 10-12 minutes, let cook on cookie sheet, then transfer to cooling rack.

I love to eat these warm or cool--so good either way!

after Josh came home, and I was having some friends over for an early dinner Sunday night, I made this:

The picture kind of sucks, but the dish is cheesy stuffed pasta shells. I made up this recipe:

Mix in whatever porportions you desire:

ricotta cheese

parmesan cheese

romano cheese

mozarella cheese

asiago cheese

mix with one egg combined with one tablespoon water.

cook shells until al dente (or slightly before)--get Jumbo shells at grocery store. you can get even bigger ones at specialty stores, but these work perfectly. two-three bites and these babies are goners.

douse shells in olive oil.

prepare large baking pan or pyrex pan by laying a layer of spagetti sauce (canned or store bought) on the bottom. (I needed 2 jars worth, you may need more or less depending on brand and taste--or make your own with diced tomatoes and tomato paste.)

stuff each shell with a large spoonful of cheese/egg mixture. it's okay if the shell is slightly broken or split because it's just going to sit in a pan, not move around. It's also ok if you over stuff your shells. I've never heard complaints from overstuffing.

layer stuffed shells on the base of sauce. then cover with sauce. Layer another layer of shells if desired. then cover with sauce. top with parmesan cheese.

bake for 30-40 minutes at 325-350 degrees for 25-40 minutes, depending on how cooked you like your baked pastas. I like mine slightly crusted and cooked for nearly and hour on low heat.

for my sauce I did a half and half--1 jar of ragu traditional sauce, cooked with 1/2 diced and sauteed white onion and 1 can petite diced tomatoes with sweet onions. I'll admit that I wanted to buy the plain diced tomatoes and got the one with onions on accident, but it turned out very nicely. sautee onion and tomatoes with a teaspoon or so of garlic and salt and pepper to taste. stir in canned sauce until heated through, then you're ready to layer your pasta!

Josh and my friends loved this--not bad for an on-the-fly-recipe :)

you could add other veggies, types of cheese, omit the egg and just use a little water to bind your cheese, or do variations of the sauce. No limitations to how you could make this--that's why I love it!

comforts

The comforts cannot be measured--the needed cup of coffee, the fuzzy robe, the lightbulb that hasn't yet burned out, the wind outside that can't get in, the chocolate cake for breakfast, the good morning kisss from a loving husband, even the long list of work yet to be done is comforting because it is there--existing--reminding that there are accomplishments still on the horizon.

the comforts cannot be measured, they are innumerable when considered, and unfathomably deeper when weighed against the things that make life more difficult. The ripples of a stone in a peaceful lake only race across the surface, they don't dream of penetrating the heaviness of the waters that is the comforted spirit.

I make comforts for my husband. I think that's why I've fallen in love with cooking so much and work at it as obsessively as I have been recently. Well, I don't have a real job, so I have lots of time on my hands, but also, I have found a great deal of fulfilment in making comforts for him and for others. I think he understands, but even if he doesn't, I don't think he has to consciously be aware of the significane of what he's ingesting to receive.

He has a really important show tonight with Beekeeper and then he's going to be gone all weekend shooting a music video for Farewell Continental out in the cold woods of Osseo, WI. Somewhere in there he has homework to get done. and a test in his class Monday morning. Comfort foods are the least I can do.

Vegetarian Chili--Chop and toss

This recipe is really just a chop and toss. No real recipe at all. Just whatever you're wanting in your chili that day, into a pot, and simmered.

today it was:

1 red, orange, and yellow pepper, diced

1 package button mushrooms, chopped

1 yellow onion

2 cans diced tomatoes, with water (sometimes I drain them for a chunkier batch)

2 cans veggie stock

half a bag frozen corn (like a cup-cup and a half)
1 can canellini beans, drained
1 can dark red kidney beans, drained
chili powder, salt, pepper, tobasco, cumin to taste

optional: serve with cheese, sour cream, or chives.

I've used in the past:
cayenne, chipotle flakes, red pepper flakes, black beans, light red kidney beans, great northern beans, green peppers, zucchini, cremini mushrooms, carrots, white onion

I don't like to use fake meat in my chili--it darkens the taste too much and you loose the vague cripsness of the veggies and the distinct flavor of each of the veggies, plus mixing too many textures is not something I'm a fan of.

I also made french bread:

Again, the Joy of Cooking is where I go for my baking recipes because I wouldn't know what to do on my own.

4 cups all purpose flour

2 teaspoons salt

1 package (2 1/4 tablespoons) yeast

sift together, then add 1 1/2 cup water at room temp.

stir and stir until your arm falls off and the dough is soft and elastic.

put in an oiled bowl, cover with plastic wrap and let rise in a warm place for 2 hours.

when dough has doubled, punch down (that's my favorite part!)

separate into two loaves (or one big one if you have a big enough baking sheet), put on greased baking sheet and let sit until they've risen to somewhat less that double. Score with a kife in a couple spots at a 45 degree angle.

preheat oven to 400. preheat a seperate baking pan (like a cake pan). Take out of the oven and add 1 cup water (should steam a little) Put back in the oven and put bread in on the middle rack (water pan on the bottom).

bake at 400 for 15 minutes

turn down to 350 and bake for another 30-ish. 30 gave me bread that was still really soft inside. If you're a crusty person, go longer.

the water pan helps give the hard outer crust everyone loves on french bread.

the recipe said to also brush the loaves with a 1-egg white and 1 tablespoon water mixture to darken the crust like 5 min before it's done baking, but I buy expensive eggs and wasn't about to waste an egg white for darker crust. I'm pretty sure it tastes the same.

My loaves were kind of fat--a thinner, more bakery style long loaf will probably take less baking time to get all crusty.

And then, to top off the evening, I made Sarah K's vegan chocolate cake. I had everything but cider vinegar, but I swapped it for white wine vinegar, so I figured as long as I had everything, I might as well go for it!

that's Josh, eating the cake.

Thus ending a day of comforts.

In Transition

Blackberries go well with white wine. In case you're looking for a nice snack.

I have yet to fulfil what the state now says I can be: a teacher. My task is clear: apply for as many jobs as possible, yet the prospect of such a task is more than daunting to my easily anxious spirit. I am also seeking a summer job, ideally one that will help my resume, but in reality, anything. I will substitute teach for Nancy for 5 weeks, but need something to carry us over until the fall when, God willing, I will have a full-time job. The finances are still tight, but then what young couples' aren't? I changed our auto insurance to save 30 dollars a month, which will really add up. We're also still cleaning the church once a week for some extra money, but with me only working 1-2 shifts a week at Urban because of Student teaching and now the economy, our savings has taken a hit and my credit card balance lingers for the first time since I've had it.

I am resolved in my spirit, that we'll be ok.

Resolved enough that I made a rather adventerous dinner tonight.

Cous Cous Stuffed Peppers!

Here it is:

Prep: Hollow out 2-4 nice sized red peppers. Green work too.

Dice:

half a white onion

half a green pepper

half a long zucchini

3-4 roma tomatoes

Open and drain:

can of black beans

can of chick peas

in a large skillet, soften onion and green pepper in 3 table spoons oil 5-10 minutes over medium heat.

add zucchini and half of each can of beans

cook for 5 ish minutes

add tomatoes and a splash of balsamic vinegar, a teaspoon cumin, red pepper flakes to taste, salt, and pepper.

While cooking, prepare cous cous--2-3 servings for 4 peppers.

add vegetables to cous cous, mix well, add a third of a cup mozarella cheese and a little less than a 1/3 cup feta cheese--mix well.

add fresh parsley and cilantro--a tablespoon or so of each.

spoon into hollowed out peppers

put into round pan (keeps them from falling over)

bake at 400 for 25 ish minutes. You want the peppers really soft.

Options:

*top with more cheese (any kind really) for a cheese-crusted top

*rub peppers with olive oil and sprinkle with salt before filling (watch more carefully so they don't burn, but this will char them more if you're looking for a more smoky, grilled taste)

*broil the last 5-10 minutes to brown and char for a grilled taste

*substitue cheese for parmesan or pepperjack for more spice

*use other veggies, add or substitute: corn, other beans, scallions, carrots, different colored peppers, eggplant, use rice instead of cous cous, etc.

*omit the cheese or use soy cheese and this dish is vegan.

Any extra veggie-cous cous filling can be eaten on it's own for a tasty warm salad, or put in a pita or as a flatbread salad.

Josh gives it his seal of approval.

Thai Soup

Well, my long anticipated plans for the evening have been cancelled, leaving me with many long hours to fill by myself. So I'll finish my food blogging from the last few days. I made thai soup Monday night and shared with Mike and Tasia.

Check it:

Soak a package of rice noodles in warm water (enough to completely submerge the noodles) for 2 hours. Spice the water with salt, ginger, red pepper flakes, and whatever asian spices you have.

Dice and set aside:

Serrano peppers

Ref jalapenos or Red Fresno peppers

Green or Red thai chilis

as many peppers as your spice taste prefers. For a large pot I used 4 serranos and 3 Red Fresnos. The Thai chilis at Cub looked nasty so I skipped them this time.

On medium heat, sautee 3 large-ish shallots in 4 tablespoons veggie oil

when translucent, add peppers, garlic (3 ish cloves), salt, pepper

Add the zest and juice of a lime

cook down a few minutes and add:

8-10 oz. mushrooms--combination of cremini, button, and shitake are great.

3-4 carrots worth of shreddings, chopped so they aren't like carrot-noodles

cook down some more.

Add about have a package of bean sprouts (I never use a full package for anything, so if you can find them in bulk where you can buy just what you need, that's perfect. About a cup).

add three cans veggie stock

re-season as necessary (ginger, salt, pepper, garlic, red pepper flakes, chinese 5 spice, etc.)

toss in rice noodles and some of the noodle water

simmer until combined.

Garnish with cilantro and basil.

Other ideas: Thai soup and most asian dishes are famously versitile. I had lemon grass in this batch, though wasn't able to get it soft enough to be completely palatable. If you love lemon grass and can cook with it, add it! You can modify the type and amount of peppers, or any other vegetable for that matter. Bok choy or Napa cabbage shredded finely would be a nice addition as well. You could totally use fresh ginger root too, sliced extremely finely and diced. Add some soy sauce or try bean-thread noodles for a change, or for meat lovers, use pork, shrimp or chicken. The broth and noodles are really delicate and the citrus flavor of the lime (and optional lemongrass) really come through so you'll want a meat that pairs well--avoid beef.

The noodles break up after a day or so being stored in the fridge. Best if eaten within a 1-3 days of preparation.

That's what I have so far this week. I'm making butternut squash risotto tonight (a variation of Giada's recipe), I might post that. Otherwise, I'm out of cool food for the week. I'm not really working yet because my license is still in process so the food budget is really tight. Just so you know, though, the soup was right around $16.50 to make, not counting spices. So, that's around 8-10 bowls in the batch so that's somewhere between $1.60-2.06 per serving. I'm becoming a master at economical cooking.

Flatbread

Josh loves my hummus. I make it all sorts of different ways. And it's super cheap-- cooked chickpeas, olive oil, lemon juice, garlic, salt, and pepper. All in the blender or food processor.

The problem is that store-bough pita bread or flat bread to eat with it is 3.00 for a bag of 5 breads.

This recipe makes 8 pieces of flatbread that are larger, softer, and probably healthier than the store bought kind for less money. I'm estimating the cost for this recipe to be about $1.50 taking into account the cost per cup of flour and per package of yeast.

(Ps. this recipe was taken from the new edition of The Joy of Cooking and is unmodified)

Combine in a large bowl:

3 cups bread flour

1 1/2 tablespoons sugar

1 1/2 teaspoons salt

2 packages active dry yeast (1 1/2 table spoons)

add:

2 tablespoons melted butter

1 1/4 cups room temperature water

mix well, then knead for 10 ish mintues until the dough is "soft, smooth, and elastic"

I found that I had to add a tiny bit of flour now and again to keep it from getting too sticky. It should be soft and tacky, but shouldn't stick .

put into an oiled bowl, turn once to cover dough with oil, cover with plastic wrap (I used a slightly damp, warm dishtowel) and let sit for 1-1 1/2 hours until the dough has doubled in size.

once doubled, divide into eight equally sized balls and let rest for 20 minutes.

then roll each out to an eight-inch round, fairly thin flatbread looking thing. The thinner the better, I think, just no holes or tearing spots.

Apparently it's best to cook on a baking stone, but I don't have one, so this is what the book told me to do:

invert a pizza, baking, or cookie sheet or pan and put in a 450 degree oven for 5 ish minutes to heat through.

remove from oven, spritz with water, wait 30 seconds, then place pitas on the inverted pan (as many that will fit without touching--like 2-3).

cook at 450 degrees for 3-4 minutes until the air pockets puff up, some will puff a lot, others just barely. Wait another 30 seconds, then remove from oven, place on cooling rack immediately.

they're supposed to be soft, maybe a tish of brown around the bottom edges, but not crispy. Toast them right before eating if you want a crispy flatbread. If you make them crispy at this initial baking stage, I imagine you'll have nasty brown frisbees instead of flatbreads.

eat! No preservatives so they'll probably only last 3-4 days if stored in a cool, air-tight place.

cupcakes and flatbread

Hello and welcome to my evening alone with Joshua gone at practice for nearly five hours. Whenever he is gone I get all sorts of crazy ideas and usually bake myself right out of all usable dishes.

Here's what I did tonight since Erin will want the recipe:

Black Forest Cupcakes:

Makes 24-26 cupcakes....share them with friends. Much like a good song, cupcakes are meant to share.

Combine over a double boiler or makeshift contraption:

4 oz. unsweetened baker's chocolate, finely chopped
1/2 cup milk

1 cup packed brown sugar
1 large egg yolk

stir continuously until smooth. Remove from heat. Set aside.

Combine in a separate bowl:

2 cups sifted cake flour (or 7/8 cup all purpose flour with 1/8 cup cornstartch=one cup cake flour)

1 tsp. baking soda

1/2 tsp salt.

Combine in a separate bowl (I use a liquid measuring cup for easy pouring later)

1/2 cup mile

1/4 cup water

1 1/2 tsp. vanilla.

Beat in separate (large) bowl:

1 stick softened butter

add in while still beating:

1 cup sugar and 2 large egg yolks

then slowly add half the flour mixture, followed by half the liquid mixture, half the flour, rest of the liquid.

stir in the cooled chocolate mixture

fold in 2-3 large egg whites, beaten until fluffy, no longer liquid, but not too hard.

fold in a quarter cup to a third of a cup canned cherry goo. Get the pie filling kind with the cherries and goo.

Fill paper muffin cups with enough batter to cover the bottom

Then spoon in two canned cherries plus some goo.

Cover with more cupcake batter.

bake at 350 degrees for 20-25 minutes--potentially longer depending on how full your cupcakes are.

Let cool in pan for 5-8 minutes before removing to cooling rack.

They will be moister than most cupcakes because of the egg whites, extra cherry goo and cherries in the middle.

Wait to frost until completely cool.

Frosting:

heat over a double boiler until smooth

3 oz. unsweetened bakers chocolate, finely chopped.

3 tablespoons unsaleted butter

Remove from heat and add:

1/4 cup hot coffee (I like mine really strong, gives it a really dark flavor) could also use cream or milk.

1 teaspoon vanilla (I used 1 1/2 because I'm awesome)

gradually beat or stir in 2-1/4 cups confectioner's sugar.

It's a fairly liquidy frosting, letting it set for 5-10 minutes will thicken it up. Stir well before drizzling or spreading over cupcakes.

for more of a glaze, use an extra tablespoon of butter and substitute some regular granulated sugar for the confectioner's sugar. Not as thick, better for drizzling.

and of course, put a cherry on top of each cupcake. let frosting solidify before eating unless you're using a plate and fork.

I'll post the flatbread recipe later...great for dipping in oil, hummus, to toast with some olive oil and herbs to go with a salad, or just to eat :) stay tuned.

"What dies before me is myself alone:
What lives again? Only a man of straw--
Yet straw can feed a fire to melt down stone."

Theodore Roethke, notes.

How lovely--to simply be straw for the fire.
To be utterly and completely devoted to the colorful, consuming, passionate fire of something bigger than oneself.

I suppose that we could all be straw for something: for art, for music, for relationship, for a cause, for peace, for justice, for youth, for education, for God--truly, I understand this idea best in light of God's power and glory; "For our God is a consuming fire" one translation even says.

And yet, a man can be straw for a fire than can melt stone--melt stone. How powerful, supernatural, that stone--a heart of stone, something as heavy and immovable as stone, as intimidating as a large stone obstacle--can literally and figuratively melt through the force of the fire that a man can feed with the parts of him that "live again," or, have been reduced to straw.

What remains after a death? After a loss? After tragedy and change? Roethke asserts what is left is a man of straw, seemingly useless, yet powerful in his ability to feed something larger, greater, and more powerful than himself. Or myself.

What dies before me is myself alone:
What lives again? Only a man of straw.

how lovely.

new wordle

Everything that dies someday comes back

In the spirit of the Boss, who will always have my heart, and inspiration from a fellow Bruce lover, I have been seeing the truth of this phrase replayed over and over in the past days.

Spring, for example, reminding me through this unseasonal rain that she'll be back after dying slowing in a blaze of radiant reds and yellows.

And what I've realized in this is the truth about dreams. Dreams often die with age, with seasons of life, with changing geographies and friendships, education and relationships....but they always come back.

The dream to open my own studio, for example, or to see Machu Piccu, or to learn to paint, and make homemade pasta; to learn spanish, to write and be published, to speak and be heard....they all come back slowly, growing steadily in the underground parts of my mind only to shoot up like the first tulip greens--unexpectedly still for all the waiting--fed by waters I didn't even realize were seeping into my spirit.

Even childhood dreams--the dancer, the painter, the mother, the gardener--everything I wanted to be and dreamed of being comes back from time to time, jogging a sensory-form of nostalgia from the feel of pointe ribbons, the smell of paint, a friend's beautiful baby, and the miracle of a landscape of little growing wonders.

reminding me that everything that dies someday comes back

but what to do with the presence of once-lost dreams?

what does one do with the ghosts that manifest, the baby stalks of memory returning--will they crowd and choke the present, blocking the sun, or be a lovely and fulfilling addition to the garden? Does Spring bring blessings among curse? Do the rains forgive fickle memories and breakdowns in willpower to nourish second chances?

everything someday comes back

with all good intentions to start this, I find myself with insufferable headaches as a result of the teacher licensing process instead....

perhaps after writing group tonight, I will have something to share.