a student wrote me a letter saying that I've changed his life.
I can't get over this.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
havent's
So here it goes:
I haven't blogged in a while
I haven't cooked something new in a while
I haven't worked on my own reading list in a while
I haven't cleaned in a REALLY long while
I haven't worked out in an even longer while
I HAVE been grading like it's an obsession. it sucks.
I HAVE been successfully teaching Romeo and Juliet to reluctant 9th graders
I HAVE been going to the farmers' market
I HAVE been making plans for the summer for the writers' group
I HAVE been filling out job applications.
I wish most of the haves and haven'ts were switched around. however, this is not the reality.
I'm making a spring soup tonight. probably last soup of the season because it's too hot in our apartment usually.
it'll be good. and I'll someday have what I don't have currently.
I haven't blogged in a while
I haven't cooked something new in a while
I haven't worked on my own reading list in a while
I haven't cleaned in a REALLY long while
I haven't worked out in an even longer while
I HAVE been grading like it's an obsession. it sucks.
I HAVE been successfully teaching Romeo and Juliet to reluctant 9th graders
I HAVE been going to the farmers' market
I HAVE been making plans for the summer for the writers' group
I HAVE been filling out job applications.
I wish most of the haves and haven'ts were switched around. however, this is not the reality.
I'm making a spring soup tonight. probably last soup of the season because it's too hot in our apartment usually.
it'll be good. and I'll someday have what I don't have currently.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
tasty treats
some treats from the last little while.....
Red Miso Soup
Cheesy-garlic drop biscuits
Mediteranean Noodles with fake chicken.
Lots of things going on recently... my grandma passed away Sunday and the funeral is friday, which means I can't be with a friend on an important day, but she's incredible and was 100 percent supportive...but I still feel bad more for my own sake because I really wanted to be there for her.
So I'm off to Fargo Thursday and it's hard because of the situation and because funerals are always hard. My dad's been there all week and he doesn't sleep when he's out of town, poor guy. And my grandma was incredibly unhealthy, and, to be perfectly honest, it's a little surprising that she's made it this long. My friend Lyn told me that it was all for a reason, because we thought she was going to go this past summer, but didn't. I think it was so that she could die in her home, after spending a nice evening with her brother, after visiting some friends, and not with a feeding tube in a hospital. I think it was God reminding those around her that she was more than all her illnesses. Granted, they consumed her, her addictions, her illnesses, her anxiety, her depression, and her own doubt consumed her, but to her siblings, she was more than that and I'm glad they got to spend some more time with her.
I'm reading at the funeral. That's part of the list of to-dos for today. Figure it out.
I've also been picking up some hours at church again, which is a huge blessing. Josh's tips have been way down and I have hardly been working since I graduated because Urban can't give me more than 4-8 hours a week. Trying to supplement with this independant tutoring company, but it's such a wreck. If it would work, it would be incredible, but so far, I'm less than impressed with their organziation.
signing off to try to be productive.
Friday, March 13, 2009
My Heart: An Invitation
I’m coming to a place where I can say that I don’t understand. I don’t understand why I believe that God is real. Or that Jesus is my Savior. Or that the Bible is truth reflected in language. I simply don’t know understand, except that I do.
Maybe I can’t explain it in empirical terms, or with linear evidence—but that’s the beauty—God is so much bigger than all of that. He exists where my mind simply can’t comprehend except to say that I feel His presence and simply understand that He is everything and more.
One of my favorite songs even challenges—“I think our God isn’t God if he fits inside our heads” demanding that we remove God from our western, linear, boxed mindset and let him be King and savior instead of limiting him to a pew on Sunday morning. While I may be made in the image of the divine, I am certainly a long way from fulfilling that destiny—something that probably can’t be achieved this side of Heaven, but I do believe that we are created for amazing things. We are created to create, accomplish, discover, heal, love, believe, sing, and grow into the people he has given us the possibility to be. We are created for amazing things—how else would we have Michelangelo? Mozart? Martin Luther King, Jr? Jane Austen? Mary Shelley? Maya Angelou? How else would we be able to create songs, to write words that hang with a powerful tension in the air, that rise and grow and build to the point of a near religious experience—if it were not intended for us to do by God? How else would we be able to write, to speak, to create works of fiction and personal revelation with an eloquence that belies our shortcomings if not for the purpose that lies within us like a seed planted from the hand of God?
I may not know much, I may not even really understand the truth when it hits me in the face, but I don’t think anyone has it all figured out. It is enough for me to love, be loved, and believe. And in this, I have grown to a place where I know I have a purpose—a mission, an intention, and reason for being here. I have a heart for artists—for the writers, musicians, painters, scholars, and dancers—who have been called and created by God to be extraordinary, but who, for many reasons including doubt, fear, and lies, have not yet found their voice in a world of other loud, hurtful, and unloving voices. The purpose of art is to inspire, to love, to shake, and to reflect divinity. I believe we all have that in us. But have not yet found our voices.
I think I am finding my voice. And this is my purpose: To restore and uncover the songs and stories of the voiceless.
On some level, I’ve known this all along. It’s why I am a teacher. It’s why I sit and listen to whoever will talk at me. It’s why I lead a group of aspiring writers and artists on Monday nights—instilling avenues and confidence where there was not before.
I’m in love with this book called Walking on Water: Reflections of Art and Faith by Madeline L’Engle. In it, she asserts that we all are created in the image of God, and by extension, we are creators and meant to create life, love, and art on this earth. My heart leapt at the idea—this is why we have this insatiable desire to make things, to try things, to create, to experiment—because we are being taught how to be like our creator. She also says that God’s children have always been capable of the divine—that we should be able to walk on water just as Jesus did—if only we could remember our purpose and remember our image.
And that’s what I’m doing—I’m walking on water. I’m leading and teaching a group of young people how to be creators, I’m in front of classrooms of students telling them they can write, and create, and express themselves, and I’m recalling the divine within my own being. But the hard thing is that not many of us can learn to walk on water on our own. We need to be taught, we need modeling, we need encouragement, and people around us to say, “step out of that boat” as Jesus said to Peter.
And I’ve realized how I’ve come here. My Church family, my little cohort of Sojourners who have promised to help me find my sea legs. My church family is a beautiful, dysfunctional, multigenerational conglomeration of people who all happen to show up on a Sunday morning, but who also love me unconditionally every single day of the week. Just this past week, one of the elders told me he would pray for me that I found a teaching job in the cities. Another young woman has been praying for the writing group that dreams would be realized. My pastor gives me a creative outlet whenever I need, and encourages my musician husband to explore his art both spiritually and socially. We are welcomed in to people’s lives—in good times and bad. We are sought out to pray and be prayed for. We have seen miracles and pray for even more. It’s not perfect, but then, nothing is really. That’s how it should be, so that we’re always trying to grow and seek God more and become more like him.
My church family has encouraged me to explore what God has for me, and what he wants me to do on this earth. They have believed when I couldn’t even think the word. They have a vision for the twin cities to see lives changed and potentials realized. And I am a product of this vision. I am a product of unyielding faith that Jesus, when welcomed into a heart, can make all things possible.
I have been taught to love. I have always loved—my family, my husband, my friends—but really, to love is more than that. Again, that same song quotes, “I think our love isn’t love unless it’s love to the end” and that’s so true. I have been taught an eternal love that doesn’t stop at shut doors, miles apart, petty fights, differences in opinion or background, or even at the choices people make. Jesus loves to the end—it’s why he died for us, and continues to die for us each and every day as his mercy is constantly pouring out on us. I am learning to be more like Jesus. To create in a world that would rather destroy and consume, to love those who won’t necessarily love me back, to walk in His footsteps when others laugh or think it’s weird, to be fulfilled in the purposes he has for me.
In that, I am so thankful for my church family. The vision of the church is something so powerful—so transforming—I entered as a nominal believer and am now ready to fall on my knees every day and thank God for the powerful transformations he is making in the people around me and around campus. I’m writing this not so that you would spontaneously believe yourself, because faith is anything but convinced or contrived, or so that you would give to the ongoing church need, because I believe God will meet all those needs in His way. But, I’m writing this so that you may consider knowing me better, learning the dimensions of me that you may not have fully understood before. I want you to know all of me and love all of me—especially this newly vocalized part of me that longs to help people create and fulfill their creative potential.
Sunday, March 29th, my church is having a Friendship service where we’re inviting all our friends, family, and past members to share our vision and what God has been doing in the group. There will be a presentation of need as well, as we are a desperately underfunded church, but that will be for former members and adults mostly. The main goal is just to share what we’re about and for people like me to share with their friends what they’re about and how we’re growing into the roles and purposed God has for us. I would love for you to come, just to see how and where I’ve grown, and the vision that has captured my heart to see artists and writers and all sorts of people realize their voices and their creative potential.
The service is at 10:30, at 310 18th Ave SE, Minneapolis, MN parking in the 4th street ramp is free on Sundays. There will be a meal afterwards and lots of time to chat. I would love it so much if a handful of friends could come—I desperately want to show you ALL of me—not just the parts of me that you know from high school, the music community, or from college—but all of me. I want to talk with friends and family and share the stories that are happening as a result of the church’s vision and how they’ve supported me. If you have any questions, please ask, and if you can’t come, that’s just fine too. It won’t be weird and no one will pressure you for your money or your commitment—the goal really is for our members to be able to share themselves and the vision with the people they care about who don’t go to the church—think of it like a “Jaci’s heart open house” :)
Love always,
Jaci
Maybe I can’t explain it in empirical terms, or with linear evidence—but that’s the beauty—God is so much bigger than all of that. He exists where my mind simply can’t comprehend except to say that I feel His presence and simply understand that He is everything and more.
One of my favorite songs even challenges—“I think our God isn’t God if he fits inside our heads” demanding that we remove God from our western, linear, boxed mindset and let him be King and savior instead of limiting him to a pew on Sunday morning. While I may be made in the image of the divine, I am certainly a long way from fulfilling that destiny—something that probably can’t be achieved this side of Heaven, but I do believe that we are created for amazing things. We are created to create, accomplish, discover, heal, love, believe, sing, and grow into the people he has given us the possibility to be. We are created for amazing things—how else would we have Michelangelo? Mozart? Martin Luther King, Jr? Jane Austen? Mary Shelley? Maya Angelou? How else would we be able to create songs, to write words that hang with a powerful tension in the air, that rise and grow and build to the point of a near religious experience—if it were not intended for us to do by God? How else would we be able to write, to speak, to create works of fiction and personal revelation with an eloquence that belies our shortcomings if not for the purpose that lies within us like a seed planted from the hand of God?
I may not know much, I may not even really understand the truth when it hits me in the face, but I don’t think anyone has it all figured out. It is enough for me to love, be loved, and believe. And in this, I have grown to a place where I know I have a purpose—a mission, an intention, and reason for being here. I have a heart for artists—for the writers, musicians, painters, scholars, and dancers—who have been called and created by God to be extraordinary, but who, for many reasons including doubt, fear, and lies, have not yet found their voice in a world of other loud, hurtful, and unloving voices. The purpose of art is to inspire, to love, to shake, and to reflect divinity. I believe we all have that in us. But have not yet found our voices.
I think I am finding my voice. And this is my purpose: To restore and uncover the songs and stories of the voiceless.
On some level, I’ve known this all along. It’s why I am a teacher. It’s why I sit and listen to whoever will talk at me. It’s why I lead a group of aspiring writers and artists on Monday nights—instilling avenues and confidence where there was not before.
I’m in love with this book called Walking on Water: Reflections of Art and Faith by Madeline L’Engle. In it, she asserts that we all are created in the image of God, and by extension, we are creators and meant to create life, love, and art on this earth. My heart leapt at the idea—this is why we have this insatiable desire to make things, to try things, to create, to experiment—because we are being taught how to be like our creator. She also says that God’s children have always been capable of the divine—that we should be able to walk on water just as Jesus did—if only we could remember our purpose and remember our image.
And that’s what I’m doing—I’m walking on water. I’m leading and teaching a group of young people how to be creators, I’m in front of classrooms of students telling them they can write, and create, and express themselves, and I’m recalling the divine within my own being. But the hard thing is that not many of us can learn to walk on water on our own. We need to be taught, we need modeling, we need encouragement, and people around us to say, “step out of that boat” as Jesus said to Peter.
And I’ve realized how I’ve come here. My Church family, my little cohort of Sojourners who have promised to help me find my sea legs. My church family is a beautiful, dysfunctional, multigenerational conglomeration of people who all happen to show up on a Sunday morning, but who also love me unconditionally every single day of the week. Just this past week, one of the elders told me he would pray for me that I found a teaching job in the cities. Another young woman has been praying for the writing group that dreams would be realized. My pastor gives me a creative outlet whenever I need, and encourages my musician husband to explore his art both spiritually and socially. We are welcomed in to people’s lives—in good times and bad. We are sought out to pray and be prayed for. We have seen miracles and pray for even more. It’s not perfect, but then, nothing is really. That’s how it should be, so that we’re always trying to grow and seek God more and become more like him.
My church family has encouraged me to explore what God has for me, and what he wants me to do on this earth. They have believed when I couldn’t even think the word. They have a vision for the twin cities to see lives changed and potentials realized. And I am a product of this vision. I am a product of unyielding faith that Jesus, when welcomed into a heart, can make all things possible.
I have been taught to love. I have always loved—my family, my husband, my friends—but really, to love is more than that. Again, that same song quotes, “I think our love isn’t love unless it’s love to the end” and that’s so true. I have been taught an eternal love that doesn’t stop at shut doors, miles apart, petty fights, differences in opinion or background, or even at the choices people make. Jesus loves to the end—it’s why he died for us, and continues to die for us each and every day as his mercy is constantly pouring out on us. I am learning to be more like Jesus. To create in a world that would rather destroy and consume, to love those who won’t necessarily love me back, to walk in His footsteps when others laugh or think it’s weird, to be fulfilled in the purposes he has for me.
In that, I am so thankful for my church family. The vision of the church is something so powerful—so transforming—I entered as a nominal believer and am now ready to fall on my knees every day and thank God for the powerful transformations he is making in the people around me and around campus. I’m writing this not so that you would spontaneously believe yourself, because faith is anything but convinced or contrived, or so that you would give to the ongoing church need, because I believe God will meet all those needs in His way. But, I’m writing this so that you may consider knowing me better, learning the dimensions of me that you may not have fully understood before. I want you to know all of me and love all of me—especially this newly vocalized part of me that longs to help people create and fulfill their creative potential.
Sunday, March 29th, my church is having a Friendship service where we’re inviting all our friends, family, and past members to share our vision and what God has been doing in the group. There will be a presentation of need as well, as we are a desperately underfunded church, but that will be for former members and adults mostly. The main goal is just to share what we’re about and for people like me to share with their friends what they’re about and how we’re growing into the roles and purposed God has for us. I would love for you to come, just to see how and where I’ve grown, and the vision that has captured my heart to see artists and writers and all sorts of people realize their voices and their creative potential.
The service is at 10:30, at 310 18th Ave SE, Minneapolis, MN parking in the 4th street ramp is free on Sundays. There will be a meal afterwards and lots of time to chat. I would love it so much if a handful of friends could come—I desperately want to show you ALL of me—not just the parts of me that you know from high school, the music community, or from college—but all of me. I want to talk with friends and family and share the stories that are happening as a result of the church’s vision and how they’ve supported me. If you have any questions, please ask, and if you can’t come, that’s just fine too. It won’t be weird and no one will pressure you for your money or your commitment—the goal really is for our members to be able to share themselves and the vision with the people they care about who don’t go to the church—think of it like a “Jaci’s heart open house” :)
Love always,
Jaci
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Superheroes
hahahaha!
http://www.cpbintegrated.com/theherofactory/
It's ten minutes worth of great fun.
I have lots of job applications to do. And it makes me nervous that I'll type or write something wrong and won't get a job. It's silly, but I'm still nervous about the whole thing.
http://www.cpbintegrated.com/theherofactory/
It's ten minutes worth of great fun.
I have lots of job applications to do. And it makes me nervous that I'll type or write something wrong and won't get a job. It's silly, but I'm still nervous about the whole thing.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
befores and afters
Before Josh left to shoot his music video for Farewell Continental, I made him a batch of vegan ginger cookies to take on the road with him to share with the band. Though I didn't plan very well and didn't have soymilk on hand, so I didn't actually make them vegan, but YOU could :)
they're softer than traditional ginger snaps--don't be alarmed. they're still incredibly tasty.
recipe is from Isa Chandra Moskowitz's book Vegan with a Vengeance
2 cups all purpose flour
1 teaspoon baing soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 1/2 teaspoons ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves (I had to grind mine in my coffee grinder)
1/2 cup canola oil (I use whatever vegetable-based oil I have)
1/4 cup molasses
1/4 cup soymilk (I haven't noticed a difference really, using whole or 1 percent milk instead)
1 cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
4 tablespoons turbinado sugar ( I use regular granulated sugar) for "sparkling" the tops.
preheat oven to 35 degrees. lightly grease two cookie sheets.
mike the dry and wet indredients in different bowls, then mix together.
roll into 1 inch balls, press flat and place into turbinado sugar (or regular sugar) in a seperate bowl to "sparkle" the top.
place on cookie sheet, sugar side up, one inch apart.
bake for 10-12 minutes, let cook on cookie sheet, then transfer to cooling rack.
I love to eat these warm or cool--so good either way!
after Josh came home, and I was having some friends over for an early dinner Sunday night, I made this:
The picture kind of sucks, but the dish is cheesy stuffed pasta shells. I made up this recipe:
Mix in whatever porportions you desire:
ricotta cheese
parmesan cheese
romano cheese
mozarella cheese
asiago cheese
mix with one egg combined with one tablespoon water.
cook shells until al dente (or slightly before)--get Jumbo shells at grocery store. you can get even bigger ones at specialty stores, but these work perfectly. two-three bites and these babies are goners.
douse shells in olive oil.
prepare large baking pan or pyrex pan by laying a layer of spagetti sauce (canned or store bought) on the bottom. (I needed 2 jars worth, you may need more or less depending on brand and taste--or make your own with diced tomatoes and tomato paste.)
stuff each shell with a large spoonful of cheese/egg mixture. it's okay if the shell is slightly broken or split because it's just going to sit in a pan, not move around. It's also ok if you over stuff your shells. I've never heard complaints from overstuffing.
layer stuffed shells on the base of sauce. then cover with sauce. Layer another layer of shells if desired. then cover with sauce. top with parmesan cheese.
bake for 30-40 minutes at 325-350 degrees for 25-40 minutes, depending on how cooked you like your baked pastas. I like mine slightly crusted and cooked for nearly and hour on low heat.
for my sauce I did a half and half--1 jar of ragu traditional sauce, cooked with 1/2 diced and sauteed white onion and 1 can petite diced tomatoes with sweet onions. I'll admit that I wanted to buy the plain diced tomatoes and got the one with onions on accident, but it turned out very nicely. sautee onion and tomatoes with a teaspoon or so of garlic and salt and pepper to taste. stir in canned sauce until heated through, then you're ready to layer your pasta!
Josh and my friends loved this--not bad for an on-the-fly-recipe :)
you could add other veggies, types of cheese, omit the egg and just use a little water to bind your cheese, or do variations of the sauce. No limitations to how you could make this--that's why I love it!
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