Little Bird Speaks

Victories and recommendations

2011-07-03T17:25:00.000-07:00

First off, recommendations:

www.tastebook.com

my dearest friend Erin gave me a tastebook for Christmas. It's a cookbook that you customize online with recipes from sources like Food network, Epicurious, Gourmet, and Bon Appetit along with your OWN recipes. You can pick the cover, make notes, upload pictures and then have it shipped to you, or sent to a friend as Erin did for me.

Secondly, victories:

My wonderful husband turned 25 and graduated from college this past spring. I arranged with his parents and picked the first Saturday in July, when they could make the trip down, to throw him a big party just celebrating him :) My husband and I have wonderful friends and my parents were terribly gracious to let us use their home because our apartment just isn't "grad party" material. The victory comes from my husband's hard work and success, but also my food. I began shopping and planning months ago, began cooking the day before, and on Saturday I had my sister, mother, mother-in-law all working for me and this is what we created:

--mixed salad with olive garden dressing
--sliced french bread
--procuitto and other italian meat tray
--mixed marinated olives and roasted red pepper and artichoke tappenade w/pita chips
--gorgonzolla-stuffed strawberries
--Smittenkitchen's peach shortbread
--lemon spaghetti with grilled chicken and a batch without chicken
--Tirimisu that was declared by friends as "better than pizza luce's"
--watermelon mojitos (totally homemade)
--beer and soda
--cold press

It was the most food I have ever presented at a singe time before. Even more than my sister's welcome home party over a year ago. I couldn't have done it without my family's help for sure. It was a spectacular time and I just wanted to share.

foodz

2011-04-17T07:14:00.000-07:00

On and off spurts of cooking lately. It's been busy! With speech coaching, preparing for Erin's wedding, husband's internship, grad school, and teachings...I've only had time to cook here and there. But I did make threadedbasil's Basil-Lemon-Mushroom soup, which was more than delicious, a new batch of vodka sauce roasted onion-asparagus-cherry tomato risotto vegan cherry-almond scones peach puff pancake fake chicken with stewed lentils-corn-tomato-onion several batches of potato-anything in the fridge mash Though I am excited to try some new recipes as soon as the Farmer's market re-opens their summer season! I can't wait!

A break from cooking

2010-12-20T09:58:00.000-08:00

Friends,

Upon request, the four blog posts that follow this one are each a poem I wrote recently. The most recent being the one I wrote for and read at the Sojourn Christmas service on 12/19.

I hope you enjoy what I've written and find it, if nothing else, pleasantly sounding. Words are my flower arrangements, my decorated home, my centerpiece--mostly because I'm not good at any of that other stuff :) So I just arrange words.

please feel free to link to, copy, or share what I've written--especially the Christmas poem. As I was writing I had the deepest sense that there was a gap between those in love with christmas, and those who felt even more wounded and lost during the season and I wanted to convey this idea that sorrow and Joy can be concurrent, that we can sing in sadness and we can be sad even when enjoying happy things. Because even Jesus felt that--how could one not feel joy at performing miracles and serving the father, yet feel such sorrow at the loss and pain in this world? And so if we feel that, too, I think it's ok.

So, at any rate, enjoy and be blessed.
Jaci

Making it Make Sense

2010-12-20T09:49:00.000-08:00

The idea of a star,
Guiding and leading the way,
Only works if a person can see through the clouds and realize
It’s always there,
Regardless if we see it or not—
That there will always be something of beauty and holiness
Above any cloud or rainstorm.

The idea of healing,
A restorative touch from above,
Only works if we can define wholeness in order to ask for it.
Not just guessing, but remembering
All that God meant us to be:
The carriers of light
The voices of Love
Faithful hearts who walk on the waters of this world.

The idea of salvation—
Not just of new life but eternal life,
Only works if we see something in ourselves worth saving,
Worth fighting for—
Knowing that even if we can’t feel it,
The father places part of himself in every soul,
Making every beating heart the single most precious thing on this earth.

The idea of a miracle,
Only makes sense if we can remove God
From the depth of our definition of impossible
And define impossible as only the things we aren’t able to dream—
Trusting that the power that created Heaven and earth,
Butterflies and true love,
Could seek to create new and beautiful things in us still toda.

The idea of a baby,
Born in less than ideal circumstances,
Only makes sense if we understand that the hardest battles
Are not won with strength
Or steel,
But with love—
The love that would give up the power of stars and galaxies,
The love that would submit,
That would serve,
And ask just that we would do the same.

The idea of Christmas,
Only makes sense if we can define Home
Not as a place
But as our belonging to Him.
And if we understand that Joy is not an emotion,
But a verb.
A choice to actively Be that small child,
In love with God,
Without expectation of perfection
Or a promise of an easy life.
Because to Him,
Joy and sorrow are not mutually exclusive,
But are both powerful testimonies of Love.

In the end, Christmas only makes sense if it is a sunrise—
A new day to seek stars,
To ask for healing,
To see miracles,
To believe in Love,
And repeat each sunrise,
For as many sunrises as we see.

Like a Child

2010-12-20T09:48:00.000-08:00

In discussing what it means to have a child-like faith in church today, and in praying about how God would have me carry him, show him, and interact with him....I got this lovely picture of a necklace. Not just any necklace, but a necklace given by a father to a daughter. I have an incredible dad, just truly one of the kindest, funniest, caring, smart men I have ever seen. And he's my dad. he's my dad and the fact that he loves me no matter what, protects me, and goes out of his way to make my life happier is just so overwhelming. So, as a result, a present from dad is a terribly meaningful thing. I treasured postcards, books, toys, dolls, dresses, events, and anything that could be considered a present from this man who loved me so completely. And so as I was praying, I got this picture of my dad giving me a necklace--a token really, but the little girl in my mind's eye just melted at it's meaning. And it wasn't my dad dad, it was God. And just like my dad loves me so much, God was showing the same "father love" to me and giving me this gift. And I focused on the necklace and realized that it was't a normal necklace. It was made out of something strange--it shined strangely and felt different than anything I pictured as being necklace material. And then I realized--it was made from sorrows and hurts. I had given them to God and asked him to heal them and he had taken them from me and transformed them from something painful and hurtful into something beautiful and precious. It was as if God had taken the sorrows and melted them down, lovingly changing them into something new so they couldn't hurt me anymore. The memory of what they used to be was still there, but the hurt was gone. And like I treasured gifts from my dad as a little girl, that same joy filled me.

So, here it goes, and not terribly edited:

Thank you that your patience is so complete,
so that as I cry, and scream,
and throw my arms against you,
crying, "it's not fair!"
You wait, in love, not indifference,
holding my hands,
my head,
my heart,
whispering, "I know,"
"Baby, I know."
Until, exhausted and empty,
I can collapse in your arms, relinquishing all my little pieces,
all my collected sorrows
and tearfully hand them to you,
trusting that your infinite love,
your protecting arms, will restore all that has been lost--
taking the bits and pieces and forging and molding them
into something new and beautiful
for your little girl to have
to hold
to keep--
a memento of the past
and a reminder of the process
that this is how we become real,
real love
real hope
real children.

Arguing

2010-12-20T09:47:00.000-08:00

When the divine seems broken and fallen as the rest of us,
When it seems God no more power than the homeless man
on the side of the highway with a sign that reads,
"Anything Helps"
It's hard to trust in miracles
It's hard to find hope beyond the gathering water,
swirling about our feet,
Threatening to swell and wash away everything in a gale-breathed moment.
The promise of the rainbow seems obsolete, pointless,
When life seems more painful and hellish than the end a second flood would bring.

So the faithful become defined
not by their perfect, happy lives,
but by the depth of their heels dug into the ground,
The worn down fingernails and calloused hands,
holding on for dear life.

They are no longer defined as people who chose the church pews
over the comfort of their homes,
but people who have no home left,
no choice but the fellowship of others, similarly with no recourse
but to say, "I'll hold on to you, if you hold on to me."
No other recourse than to stand together and pray for a new promise
along with others who yearn for more than the rainbow,
And for a new revelation.

and in response to my own desire to say, take this cup from us and choose someone else.....

It would be easier to be ignorant,
it would be simpler to just never see past the fog--
for the details, the pain, the reality, the suffering to never become clear.

It would be comforting to say, "Choose another, God,"
and know that the cup would be passed to another.

but then there is the lost lamb....

but then there is the truth of the light--blindingly more beautiful than the fog....

And there is the word "confess,"
a word used connotatively with pressure
with angst
with sin

But, like the reality of sunlight filtering through spring leaves,
casting a pale green promise across the earth,
The truth about confession
is that it only means professing that which costs
That which burns
and consumes,
Claiming what is true, even if it hurts.

So while it would be beyond comprehensibly easy
to deny
title
land
destiny
truth,

I will profess that which hurts,
I will confess the truth even when it's hard:
I confess your goodness
I confess your faithfulness
I confess your presence
I confess that I am still yours

Spaces and Fillings

2010-12-20T09:44:00.000-08:00

(edited from a performed version, August 2009)

My heart longs for the filling of absences that lie unrealized and unnamed

My eyes see the gaps, the spaces like spirits among the living—feeling but not grasping their significance.

And slowly the pieces fall into place

Across years and experiences, prayer and love

The absences become named

And become painfully real

And I find I am only able to continue in the hope that their reality tells of their ability to be filled

that their existence, their reality--and the hurt that courses through my hands as a result--is not a permanent state.

And this is what I have come to believe in: west-winded nights that paint the moon orange and speak to restless hearts

The comforts are innumerable in the face of all that would seek to disturb the calm of the spirit

My husband's hand against my cheek is the constant touch I long for

A soothing voice can cut like a razor through anxiety, carving a space for sleep to fill and grow,

deep and strong, like a well-tended plant, prepared to bloom with the sun.

The earth will hold her own, and comfort those who breathe her in

The trembling hearts and shaking hands do not alter her resolve--she promises: I will hold you firmly in place.

The strength of an outstretched hand far surpasses the human strength of the extender

(For I have been the extender, and been the one pulled out)

The mountains may not have to be moved or reduced to rubble, only loved for their view of the valleys and lights below

The simplest of things—potatoes that smell like earth and not the floor cleaner of the supermarket, the bright green flavor of the garden's offerings, and the breeze that moves the drapes like a dancer can restore the spirit

And in all of this—slowly, the spaces that become named and realized, the cuts that once ran deep, are filled and healed.

the rivets that exist, the lines that cross the earth, the marks of time and hurt from others tell a story

one that promises a new chapter,

and in naming the spaces, the breaths I take as I walk into the next page, fill them like a potter's clay.

and this is what I must believe. And trust the potter to do his work.

Grandma's Kitchen

2010-10-09T14:09:00.001-07:00

So you know meals that grandma's make? Like mashed potatoes, veggies, meatloaf, gravy, etc?

I LOVE grandma meals.

Last night I made:

Garlic-sage smashed potatoes (little reds and yukon golds w/skin on)
roasted carrots (olive oil and salt)
Sauteed green beans (garlic, butter, celery salt, reg. salt, balsamic vinegar, and honey--SOOOOO GOOOOD)
Tofurkey loaf for us.
Kowalski's rotisserie chicken for the sister in law and her honey.

It was sooooo good. And everything was so easy to make. But it looked and tasted like it took forever. Grandma's know best. Clearly.

and in even better news, my wonderful husband arranged for his sister's boyfriend to bring his Cutco selection (he's a cutco salesperson) and let me pick out THREE INCREDIBLE LIFETIME WARRANTY knives for my birthday! I got a Santoku Chopping knife, a cheese knife, and a vegetable knife. SO excited!

Baked Apple Deliciousness

2010-10-04T19:09:00.000-07:00

the perfect fall evening dessert:

Core 4 medium apples (pick apples that are firm, varieties that have lots of bold flavor--McIntosh, Prairie Spy, Sweet 16s, Firesides)

use a melon-baller to core--try not to cut all the way through the bottom.

fill each cored-out apple with a small spoonfull of Fig jam or some other sweet fruit concoction.

then fill the core up with a strong cheese--Gorgonzola, Blue, or something similar.

Top with walnuts,

coat the tops of the apples with honey.

Place apples in a foil-lined pan with sides (I use a cake pan)

pour about 1/4 apple cider or juice into the bottom of the pan

(and add a few splashes of Brandy or Rum if desired)

bake at 375 degrees for 15-20 minutes, depending on the size of the apples. You don't want them mushy, but cooked through with the cheese all melty.

remove apples from pan with tongs, place in bowl or ridged plate. pour some of the juices over the apple. Top with more walnuts or cheese if desired.

eat. and enjoy the mess :)

no-bake

2010-08-14T19:44:00.000-07:00

I made no-bake cheesecake, not from a box, yet it kind of still tasted like it was from a box.

Interesting. It was at least satisfying in the tolerable, yet still kind of sticky-warm of the apartment. Not cool enough to really use the oven to bake things for an extended amout of time.

vacation in 5 days.
Try-outs for soccer (I'm coaching) start monday
signing our new lease Monday
meeting w/another teacher at school Wednesday
so much to do and get ready for. I deserve a no-bake treat.

Shaved Asparagus Pizza

2010-07-29T10:38:00.000-07:00

Ok, so because of my wonderful friend [threadedbasil] I have fallen in love with SmittenKitchen, a wonderful food blog. A while back she posted a shaved asparagus pizza that I was just dying to try.

Here's my spin:

1 pizza dough (I ususally make my own or buy the bag of dough from trader Joe's--only 99cents)
lay rolled out dough on a cornmeal-covered pizza pan or baking sheet (I made a square pizza)

--melt 1 tablespoon butter w/ 2 cloves garlic--brush or spread over the dough
--cover dough with mozerella cheese (I used chunks not shredded)
--using a vegetable peeler, shave asparagus into thin strands--it took me nearly all of a big bunch of asparagus to get enough to cover my pizza--when it gets thin it's hard to peel, so you end up not using the entire spear.
--spread shaved asparagus over cheese
--scatter with chopped cremini mushrooms
--sprinkle a teaspoon of red pepper flakes over the top
--bake at 400 for 15-20 minutes, until crust and cheese are golden.

it was incredibly tasty.

homemade is always better

2010-07-28T15:03:00.000-07:00

homemade is always better. true story.

well, sometimes I prefer store-bought french bread, but it's so much cheaper to make it myself and it's always nice to give someone something you made yourself.

So I make /have made homemade:
--French Bread
--Pita Bread
--Salsa
--Jelly (made it for the first time this summer!)
--pancakes (No mix from a box!)

and, as of yesterday, I'd like to announce that I've added tortillas to that list.
I made homemade tacos with my own tortillas for the family as I was forced to my mother's house because of the heat yesterday.

Fixins':

Limed Chicken:
--shred one rotissere chicken into strips
--squeeze one half a lime over chicken
--salt and generously peppy
--add 2 teaspoons of paprika
--stir all together and cover, refridgerate until ready

Black beans:
-heat 2 cans (one drained, one not) in a pan
--add salt and pepper
--1/2 teaspoon chipotle flakes
--1 tablespoon chili powder

Corn Salsa:
--4 ears of corn, kernels chopped off--sear corn w/salt in a skillet, transfer to container
--1 jalapeno, 1 green bell, 1 yellow hungarian, 1 poblano pepper--diced
--1/2 white onion (I actually think a red onion would be better)--diced
--4 palm-sized tomatoes, diced
--salt and pepper
--1/2 lime of juice

(plus cheese, sour cream, avocado, lettuce)

Tortillas:
--2 cups flour
--1/2 teaspoon salt
--3 tablespoons olive oil
--1 cup water

form the dough (it's sticky), transfer to well-floured board and kneed for a minute or two. Separate into 8-10 sections. Roll each out with a well-floured pin, keep adding flour to keep from sticking. tortillas should be around 7 inches in diameter. Some of mine were a little bigger. Heat up a large skillet, spray generously (and in between each tortilla). lay tortilla in hot pan and cook for 1-2 minutes, until little brown spots begin to appear on the cooked side, then flip (you can just grab an edge and flop it over), and cook 1-2 minutes on the other side. Keep warm in the microwave until you're ready to serve. Serve right away when they're all done.

mmmmmmmm tasty!

Mango-curry cheese spread

2010-07-11T19:13:00.000-07:00

Some friends were married at the Summit Manor in June. It was a lovely ceremony and a lovely evening. AND they had the best wedding food I've ever had! Turns out, as the bride is vegan, that the food was a selection of appetizers w/vegan cupcakes as the "cake." She couldn't eat everything, but it was truly delicious, sensory, finger-lickable, and audible-noise-worthy. One of the things we had was this cream-cheese based spread topped with a mango-curry chutney.

So I don't really know what a chutney actually is, but I recreated the appetizer pretty closely:

Cook down:
2 ripe mangos, diced.
1 1/2 tablespoons curry powder
1 teaspoon garlic powder
2 teaspoons corriander
2 teaspoons ginger
1 1/2 tablespoons sugar
1/4 cup white wine
2 tablespoons of honey
dash of salt and pepper

If you like a chunky spread, just turn the stove off when it's all cooked down and let cool. If you like a more spreadable, smooth topping, mash with a pastry blender, potato masher, or blend with one or two presses in a food proccesser or with an immersion blender until you reach your desired consistency.

soften a block of philly cream cheese, stir in a handfull of salted peanuts and a handful of raisins. add a tablespoon of honey and a dash of garlic powder (seriously, one small dash) and mix well. Spread into a serving dish, tupperware, or mold.

Let the mango mixture cool to room temperature. Add a 1/3 cup water and stir in well (it thickens as it cools so this helps make it spreadable and more jelly-like)

Spread the mango mixture over the cheese mixture and refridgerate until ready to serve.

Serve on french bread, toasted flatbread, crackers, or apples.

no bake

2010-07-10T12:11:00.000-07:00

July calls for no-bake desserts. Or desserts where you bake the crust, add the goodness, and then chill for hours before serving.

When I was little, I thought I was a pretty awesome cook when I could make a jello no-bake oreo pie.....oh how things change, now I'm hoping to tackle homemade ice-box cookies with homemade "oreo" cream, haha.

Anways, for a hot day last week, after I had picked $20 of raspberries from lorence berry farm in Northfield, I needed a dessert that was refreshing and didn't require the oven.

Results: Panna Cotta with berries.

1. Mix: 1/4 whole milk and one packet gelatin in a measuring cup, set aside.
2. Heat: 1 cup cream, 3/4 cup whole milk and 4 tablespoons sugar in saucepan until just scalded
3. dissolve the gelatin by heating the measuring cup in the microwave for 10 second intervals, stirring inbetween, 2-3 times until the gelatin is dissolved.
4. Mix in 1 teaspoon vanilla and 1/2 teaspoon almond extract (I think lemon, or rum would make good options, too)
5. mix in gelatin mixture with a whisk. Remove from heat.
6. let sit, stirring every 5 minutes for about 20 min.
7. transfer to glass bowl or serving cups and cover with plastic (touch it down to the panna cotta so a skin doesn't form)
8. Let chill for at least an hour, preferably 3-4, then top with berries, toasted almonds, or whatever!

I also made fresh spring rolls that night. I totally rocked the spring roll-rolling. They stayed together perfectly. BUT I had the wrong type of noodles, they weren't soft enough, and I needed a diferent ration of indgredients, but not bad for my first attempt!

Wisdom from the kitchen

2010-07-02T20:31:00.000-07:00

Jam-making with my sister=success.
consuming the rest of the 8 1/4 pounds of raspberries I picked....commencing.

Job front=success with nervousness. I need to break some hearts next week. And take a ginormous financial risk. here we go.

Onto wisdom from the kitchen:

In reading Barbara Kingsolver's Animal Vegetable Miracle, I learned that you shouldn't say "thank you" for a plant, or apologize for your food. She says that it's bad form to apologize for a lopsided cake, a weird looking pie, a flopped custard, or a deformed vegetable. And why would that be? Why shouldn't you apologize to guests for not serving perfect food? Answer: It shows that you don't trust them to love you for you.

Friends coming over for dinner, for food, for good times, are coming to be loved, to love, to be friends, and just to live and love with the cook/hostess. Apologizing just shows that the chef/hostess is insecure enough and untrusting enough to think that the friendship, the love, is contingent on the appearance of a perfectly crisped casserole topping or a lump-free, perfectly-risen loaf of homemade bread. Personally, I cannot think of a single friend who would love me less or enjoy the meal I've prepared less based on it's appearance. I would imagine that nearly every other single chef/hostess would have the same trouble identifying a friendship that contingent on perfection from one or the other.

So, that brings us to kitchen-phobia. A friend spoke about a sister recently: "She still doesn't cook" and before that I overheard a "I'm clueless in the kitchen," a "I would burn everything," a "I can't cook," and a "I could never do that."

It may be true that some people have a natural flair for cooking--those people tend to be the bakers. Most people CAN cook. If you can toss a piece of chicken in a pan and some veggies in a steamer, you can cook. Some people have trouble baking. I am sometimes one of those people. I have a hard time following recipes exactly. I don't know why--but for various creative ideas, lack of certain indgredients, or trying to cut time, I tweak recipes and they don't always turn out.

But here's the thing: everyone can cook. Everyone can take food, the edible blessings that God has given us the knowledge and understanding to love and cultivate, and prepare them in a way that is, at least, edible, and more likely, delicious.

However, nearly no one is born a cook. Cooking really is a practice sport. the movie Julie and Julia pointed out, between clips of a brilliant Meryl/Julia and a mediocre whatsherface that even JULIA wasn't always Julia. If you believe you can't cook, it means you haven't tried, or you've tried before and it just didn't turn out.

I consider myself a fair cook, considering this is mostly my food-blog. But I can remember several times in my childhood/teen years being told or talked about that I couldn't cook. There was a sad cornbread, a failed frozen-raspberry-creme-frache dessert, crunchy brownies, and some other failed cooking attempts that facillitated comments that I probably wasn't a "good cook." And what did it take to be a better cook? Not being reborn into Julia's image or her spirit reincarnated into my being, but practice, more practice, and really just finding recipes that I REALLY wanted to try. And I tried to be smart about my practice. Something from a box will NEVER be as good as if you make it yourself, or mostly yourself. Taste isn't a function of the final product, but of each indgredient--handled, prepared, cared for, coming together with an purpose and intent to feed and show love to others--that creates the taste. So cook something from scratch. Also, if you're scared or new to cooking, don't pick an "expert" level recipe from Mario or Emeril. They add 27 extra, fancy indgredients for show more than taste. Find a simple recipe with normal indgredients with maybe one or two fancy items, simply cooking techniques, one where you have all the right pans and equipment, and go for it!

I dislike when people say they can't cook. It means they really just haven't found that collection of ideas, tastes, recipes, and memories that convert easily into food for them. I learned that--and I still try to make new things--sometimes well-calculated and planned, other recklessly tried. Some work and some don't. And here we are, a more confident, excited, passionate food-lover typing to the abyss of the internet.

warm pasta salad

2010-06-29T10:22:00.000-07:00

a Yummy dinner treat from last night:

Warm Pasta Salad

1 bunch of arugala ( around 1 1/2 cups)
1/4 cup chopped sun-dried tomatoes
3-4 chives, chopped
1/4 cup shredded parmesan cheese
1/4-1/2 cucumber, cubed
a couple twists of freshly ground pepper

toss with 6-8oz oz of cooked, drained, HOT pasta (penne, shells, faralle, rigattoni, whatever)

toss with dressing
dressing:
4 tablespoons olive oil
2 tablespoons white wine vinegar
3/4 tablespoon sugar
2 teaspoons dijon (or whatever kind you have) mustard
salt and pepper
6-7 fresh basil leaves, ribboned

deliciousness. I'm making it for Erin and Dave on our joint vacation coming up in august. and for whoever else wants some of this deliciousness.

new creations

2010-06-28T08:13:00.001-07:00

job interview last week. Waiting to hear back. Not a full-time job, though. It would be better than nothing, however.

So, on this remarkably cool morning (it's been terribly sticky the last week with all the storms) I can finally sit in the morning with a cup of coffee and work at the computer without feeling like I'm in a sauna.

Summer time poses an interesting challenge for my planning-ahead-challenged self. I like to just make something I feel like. I've gotten better since I've started making bread and pizza dough because they take so long to rise that I have to be better at planning ahead when I make them. Part of it is that I'm afraid to use rapid-rise yeast because my cookbooks somehow think it's like a sad bastard of an ingredient. It's probably just fine, but I defer to Isa (Vegan with a Vengeance) on most things.

But, here's the planning-ahead conundrum. With no AC in the apartment, I can't cook between noon and 8 because I'll kill myself and my husband with the heat. We have some fan airconditioners, but they can't keep up and it's really a waste of electricity. So, I either have to plan a minimal stove-top meal, a quick oven meal AFTER 8 at night, or get my summer vacation butt out of bed to cook before noon and then just reheat whatever it is when we're ready to eat. The biggest culprits: baked pastas, roasted veggies, bread, and baked desserts.

So, this morning, as I'm sitting here at 10:20 in the morning, I've already made cranberry-orange scones, and I'm currently roasting a big pan of little red potatoes.

Alexa's party yesterday was a huge success. She got to show off all her cool presents and letters from her students in Indonesia, and I was able to feed everyone. Well, my mom and dad helped because I thought I made the party for 7:00, but it was really set for 4:00 on facebook, so when I realized that, and realized I had 1.5 hours to finish baking, cooling, setting, and frosting a cake, making dessert skewers, grill massive amounts of chicken, hot dogs, and brats, and get all the other food set out....panic set in. My mom ended up grilling the chicken, and alexa played sous chef and prepared all the tables and put out the cheeses and prepared food.

we pulled off:
--sparkling pomegranate-lime-mint coolers
--potato salad and colesalw (from cub)
--caprese salad (from me, it got lots of compliments)
--a brie/goat/blue cheese platter with bread
--BBQ chicken legs and thighs, wild-rice brats, hot dogs
--strawberry-anglefood cake shishkabobs drizzled with dark chocolate
--chocolate raspberry cake

Only a little bit of chicken, caprese, and a bit of the blue cheese left at the end of the night. Everything was delicious and I had MANY compliments on the caprese and the raspberry cake.

So last week I also made pesto. I'm always a little disappointed in my pesto consistency. I figured out how I like it better though! I didn't put cheese in the food processor with the basil/garlic/etc. The parmesan blended in makes a much more grainy consistency than I like because it's not a "hot" sauce and parm. doesn't even melt that well anyways.

Jaci's pesto:
1 big bunch of farme's market basil
1/2 a lemon worth of juice
3 cloves of garlic
salt and pepper
1/2 cup of olive oil (amount depends on how much you're making and how much basil you have)

blended all together in a food processor

Mix with pasta (any shape) and spicy mushrooms

top with freshly grated/shredded parmesan cheese.

Spicy mushrooms:
heat 3 tablespoons of olive oil in a large skillet, when the oil starts to "ribbon" add in a half-tablespoon-tablespoon (depending on taste) of red pepper flakes. add sliced mushrooms. Spread around the skillet, coating. Cook for a minute or two. Add in a half cup of white wine, vermouth, or vodka (vodka for the spiciest flavor) and cook down. add the mushrooms and some of the liquid to the pasta.

Today I'm making roasted potatoes, grilled corn, and warm pasta salad w/arugala for dinner.

on deck:
red onion risotto ( I make this a lot, but haven't in a while)
parmesan crusted zucchini (I haven't made this in almost a year! but zucchini were out at the market on saturday! yay!)
spring rolls (From the cookbook my sister brought back from indonesia)
spicy fried tofu
penne with vodka sauce
mango-curry cheese spread

happy cookings!

summa foods

2010-06-16T10:46:00.000-07:00

Alexa comes home in 6 days. School has been out for 5 days. It was a wild, really emotional ride. I knew I wanted to try to find a different position even before I was laid off, but it ended up being really hard to leave the kids.

some favorites:

--An eleventh grader retaking 10th grade English comes up to me and shows me the copy of The Things They Carried she bought the SAME NIGHT we finished reading O'Brien's short story "Ambush" and the chapter "How to Tell a True War Story" because she loved them so much.

--a girl who rarely does her work and plays the tough girl, "I don't care" game wrote me a note saying she appreciated all I had taught her and how I taught her while still letting her be herself.

--many of them stayed after on the last two days just to stop in and say thank you to me.

--I got two cards, signed with little notes by my students, saying how much they learned, liked me, and would miss me.

--A boy stopped in to give me some late work and said I was a really good teacher and he hoped I would find an amazing job.

--a boy stayed after school, when he could have gone home, to help me move stuff out of my classroom into my car.

Those high schoolers. They'll surprise you. The future may just have some decent human beings in it :)

but I'm still looking for a job.

...

so I'd rather move onto FOOD!

I made all my "On Decks" from last post. The cookies did NOT turn out, yet again. the Korean BBQ was good the first night, but got too spicy as it was refridgerated and re-heated. I want to work on a thicker bbq sauce for it.

Baby potatoes are out at the farmer's market, so we've been eating lots of roasted potatoes, one of my most favorite things.

I also tried making Swiss Chard for the first time. It's another one of those veggies my mother says is God's punishment for Sin and won't let in her house (add that to the list--brussel sprouts, beets, and swiss chard).

Here's the scoop:
1 big bunch of swiss chard from the farmers' market (BUY ORGANIC--see the "dirty dozen" lists of fruits and veggies that have tons of pesticides, swiss chard/kale is on it.)
boil down, covered, with a half cup of veggie stock, a half stick of butter, 4 cloves of minced garlic, salt and pepper to taste, and a teaspoon of red pepper flakes. when it's all melty and gooey, strain out the greens with a slotted spoon or a pasta spoon and serve!

I also made my standard vegan lemon cookies, and as usual, I made them not vegan. Josh likes these.

This morning I made falafel (from a box, I know, but I wanted to see how they were and how difficult they were to cook before trying it on my own), a onion-artichoke-sundried tomato-cous cous salad (w/oregano, mint, cilantro, salt, pepper) to serve with lettuce and my home made pita bread I made yesterday.

I got some new cookbooks I want to break in :) I'm excited, but I want to plan really well so that I'm cooking really frugally and substituting some of the more expensive indgredients. I definitely need to live on more of a food budget than I have been this past 9 months.

the end for now. Maybe I'll have some good job news to post soon.

the haps

2010-05-29T10:19:00.000-07:00

Still job hunting. A couple interviews, but no offers.

School is at t-8 days plus a workshop day. I have a ton of work to do, including grading, test writing, packing, organizing, and cleaning not to mention the standard "how can I pass this class" question from teenagers who have just been told they are NOT taking the car or getting a new iphone unless they pass all their classes. hmmmm. I usually respond with, well, here's what's left that's worth points. You can do the math on if it will be enough. I am rather firm with my students that I refuse to do math for them.

Real reason why I'm posting: food.

Recently made:

SmittenKitchen's homemade crackers. Pretty tasty. I want to make them for erin and dave next time they're up here.
Beet, carrot, and onion hash, as usual.
Creme brule. Needs perfecting. It WAS my first attempt after all.
Strawberry-rhubarb buttermilk cake. delicious.
Lemon-rhubarb cookies (which ended up fluffing up and being more like muffin tops)
peach-strawberry-rhubarb cobbler. delicious.
sauteed peaches and ice cream. Josh's favorite.
Homemade strawberry shortcake with a shortcake recipe out of bon apetit magazine. PLUS this amazing idea to add a couple dashes of balsamic vinegar in with the strawberries as you're macerating them. It tied the sweet flavor in with the shortcakes and was awesome.
various sauce-less pastas. cook tomatoes down with red-pepper flakes, artichoke hearts and vermouth.
wild mushroom risotto. yep. the apartment smelled like a truffle-hunter's hands. Alexa would have died, we decided. That dish took $14 of mushrooms. tasty, but overwhelmingly mushroom-y even for me.

On deck:

Chocolate chip cookies. You don't even understand my hatred of chocolate chip cookies. They exist only to try and torment me. See, my mother makes these chocolate chip cookies that are heavenly. Fluffy, soft, sweet. Not the disk-like, crispy-fried tasting cookies I find everywhere else. Note to friends: do NOT feed me a crispy cookie. I will probably smile and eat it, but resent you for at least two days. Could I go to her house and burgle her cookbook where the recipe comes from? Yes.....but the stubborn little snot in me has decided that I want to find and perfect my own fluffy cookie recipe. So I'm going to try again. I usually make this attempt ever 6-8 months. Maybe time will be a success.
Panakuken (apple, peach, blackberry, raspberry, or strawberry. I have to see which one josh wants)
lemon spaghetti. Giada's recipe. I dig it. It's more like a side-dish. You normal folks would probably serve it with fish, or with chicken breast coverd in a cream sauce. But I'll probably serve it with roasted potatoes or asparagus.
Korean BBQ mock duck over rice with carrots, mushrooms, green onions, red pepper, and whatever other vegetable is lurking in my fridge.
Lemonade-Ginger Iced tea. First batch of the season.

And here's where I need some advice--Alexa's welcome home bbq is happening June 27. I need some help narrowing and perfecting the menu:

Meat Options (pick two):

BBQ chicken
Brats and dogs and veggie dogs
turkey burgers

Salads (pick two):

Caprese with heirloom tomatoes
regular salad
pasta salad with veggies, moz. and italian dressing
israeli cous-cous salad with veggies
potato salad (my mom would have to do this as I can't ever make it right)

Entree-style options (choose one):

stuffed tomatoes (either rice or cous cous w/veggies)
Grilled veggie kabobs
stuffed peppers
parmesan crusted zuchinni

Deserts (pick two):

cookie salad (family tradition, mandrin oranges, crushed keebler cookies in a pudding)
blackberry-lime tart
strawberry shortcake
lemon panna cotta with berries
raspberry-chocolate cake (vegan)
Scotchies. (why they are called this, I have no idea. maybe my family just made it up, but it's rice crispy bars with chocolate on top)

other Sides (pick 2-3)

roasted potatoes w.herbs
garlic bread
plain bread
pita bread and hummus or garlic-y white bean dip
mom's amazing salsa dip w/ chips
raw veggie tray
fruit salad/fruit trays/fruit

Beverages (in addition to soda and beer) (pick one):

rasperry smash (smashed raspberries, vodka, champagne)
Bellinis (fruit and italian sparkling wine)
Spiked strawberry lemonade
Pomegranate sparkle (champagne or sparkling wine, pomegranate juice, and something else which I am forgetting now.....)

Thanks for the help!

lovely saturday

2010-04-17T10:48:00.000-07:00

In between job applications and school work, this is what I've been up to:

SmittenKitchen's Mushroom Bourgionon
but since it's me, and I'm incapable of following a recipe...I added another half a carrot, a leek, less onion, and some yukon gold potatoes. I also mixed cremini and shitake mushrooms. But still....SO amazing. I served mine over homemade biscuits in bowls instead of noodles.

Watercress, Beet, and Feta salad out of the Simple Living Magazine--I also added a bunch of spring greens so it wasn't just watercress. I found organic hydroponic watercress at the Mississippi market from a MN farm. I love it when I can buy from MN or WI farms. It makes me happy. I boiled the beet down and then sliced it into thin rounds. I also got MN feta from the Missippippi market. also a steal!

Salad served with a lemon-shallot vinagrette--1/4 olive oil, salt, pepper, 1/4 cup lemon juice, and a diced shallot.

For easter I made individual lemon meringue pies in ramekin cups. I used this recipe, just in cups instead of pie tarts. the measurements worked out perfectly still! For the crust I bought just a pre-made in the pop-open can thing crust and spread it into the bottom and over the sides of the ramekins, poked them so they wouldn't fluff up, and baked for 10-12 minutes until they were just starting to crisp. then I added the lemon curd (made the night before, saved SO much time) and the meringue. The recipe makes enough meringue to LOAD it on the pies, and since the meringue is my favorite part anyways, it worked out.

the other weekend I made SmittenKitchen's Mini chocolate souffles...sent some to band practice with josh :) her recipe uses a mint whipped cream on top, but since I truly dislike mint in almost all forms except for York peppermint patties, I made a raspberry whipped cream with cream, confectioner's sugar, and raspberry extract. Good, but not brilliant. I need to find a different raspberry extract. The McCormick &Schmidt brand I've been using just doesn't have a REAL flavor. I'm super happy with their good vanilla extract, but the raspberry isn't quite there.

I'm super excited for the farmer's market season to kick back into gear. I still love the winter market, getting eggs, fettucine (basil-garlic-yum!!!), cold storage apples, mushrooms (the mushroom guy is weird, but he sells italian mushrooms that are just so delicate in flavor and light that they are perfect for bisque, sandwiches, and light pastas...today he had shitakes too!), and the occasional frozen bag of berries from Lorence Berry Farm. But the Summer season is where it's at. Rhubarb should be coming by mid May and last year the rhubard drove me absolutely crazy because I haven't the slightest idea of what to do with rhubarb. Rhubarb crisp is always too tart for me, and I dont' like fruit pies very much so rhubarb pie is out.....bah! But this year, I'm committed to using rhubarb. I stole a Martha Stewart Living Magazine from my mom. Which is weird because she never subscribed to it and doesn't know how she's getting it...and they had a recipe for a rhubarb custard--like a basic custard in a ramekin but with chopped, cooked rhubard in it. It looks quite tasty and not overwhelming. I also thing mabye a chocolate chip-rhubarb cookie might be good, but I've never seen a recipe for that. Also, a raspberry-rhubarb buttermilk cake sounds good too. I think I'll try using this recipe (again from smittenkitchen) and mix rhubarb in with the berries.

so, if you're up for some experimentation, come hang out with me in May when the rhubarb comes out and we'll see what happens :)

In the meantime my goals are to tackle these:
crackers (smitten kitchen once again!)
another batch of Seitan (josh makes us mock-bbq sandwiches with it)
cookies--it's been a while since I've indulged in a big batch of cookies.
tomato-artichoke fettucine (the basil-garlic kind I just bought) in a vermouth-chili flake-oregano reduction, with lots of parmesan.

And, sorry about the lack of pictures. Not that my food ever looks that great anyways, it usually tastes better than it looks, but I don't have a camera anymore. Josh bought us a flip video camera and I'm still not really sure how to pull stills off it.

2010-04-01T20:47:00.000-07:00

cooking...but there's only two of us

2010-02-14T20:23:00.000-08:00

since Friday--Homemade chocolate whipped cream on Angel food (not homemade) with berries, french bread, cinnamon rolls, and a tasty egg-sausage-toast breakfast for the husband.

Goals for the recent future:
artichokes hors d'ouvres style w/ dip
Lemon meringue pie
vegetable lasagna

I'm also still trying and wanting to perfect a sandwich bread recipe. I tried making cracked wheat bread the other weekend, but I was so tired I mis-measured and ended up with a cracked-wheat log of death. Saw a good recipe in my mom's marth stewart living magazine...forgot to copy it out though.

if only student essays graded themselves....then I could just cook more.

and if only I didn't now have to start the job search again. People should just call and want to hire me. But it's all good, even with cuts, there will always be schools with openings.

Josh is on his last overnight shift for a while. Too bad he's working 11-7, then class from 8-2. Poor guy.

I get so bored and lonely when he's asleep during the day and I'm just waiting for him to wake up.

time to hit the hay myself....

2010-02-09T20:18:00.001-08:00

Thanks, T-Paw. Soon MN will be like Mississippi or Alabama.

the expense of indulgences

2010-02-06T18:55:00.000-08:00

indulgence: Creme Caramel Renversee for Jon's birthday
Expense: thinking I needed to make extra caramel and setting off the smoke detector, covering my oven in sticky caramel, and burning my hand in three places very badly.

indulgence: Pizza
Expense: nominal, I made really good crust and we had really good leftovers for a few days. I'm still perfecting my crust, but it's still way cheaper than ordering or buying a pre-made crust.

Indulgence: Produce in the winter
Expense: surprisingly not too bad. I've been produce shopping at Mississippi market and their selection is really good and I can choose the "country" I buy from. MN and WI carrots, potatoes, squash and apples. California blood oranges and lemons. Doing my best to curb the international purchases, and choosing to sacrifice things like overly priced strawberries. That way they'll taste even better this summer from the Farmer's market :)

Indulgence: Heartiness
Expense: Lentil soup :)
recipe:
3 large carrots
3 stalks celery
1 white or yellow onion
1 orange pepper
1 large can diced tomatoes
4 cloves of garlic (my garlic is stored from summer and has lost a little potency, so most people wouldn't need this much)
2 cups lentils
1/2 cup red lentils
1-1/2 cups israeli cous cous
thyme
rosemary
cumin
salt
pepper
tons of veggie stock

directions: do the standard softening of the 1st 4 indgredients and the garlic in olive oil or butter. when softened/onions transluscent, add the tomatoes and cumin (2 teaspoons about) and lots of salt and pepper. cook together. lentils and cover generously with stock. cook together for 20 or so minutes, then add the cous cous. add thyme, rosemary (1-2 teaspoons each depending on taste) and add more stock if necessary/to texture liking. Simmer for another 20-30 min.

top with parmesan cheese :)
serve with homemade dinner rolls.

next time I might try Orzo pasta instead of the cous cous. The pasta-like texture of the cous cous is really nice with the lentils, but I'm just curious.

In other news, Josh and I are now fully committed to farmer's market eggs year round. We'd been buying anything that said "cage free" in the grocery store since winter hit, but with growing insecurity and guilt about the actual status of those chickens, we've opted for the chilly but secure trip to the Winter market in Lowertown every other saturday for our eggs. The Winter market does go every saturday, but we never need eggs that much to go through more than a dozen every week and a half to 2 weeks. Plus there's cheese, apples, chocolate, and other assorted goodies in Golden's deli across the street. Vendors move in there when it's Winter and only the meat and fish vendors stay outside. Farmer Bob Otis, deliverer of eggs and meat that according to my family is incredible, thank you.

In other news, I told one of my classes that I was a vegetarian and a boy blurted out--you mean you don't even eat Bacon? as if that were the one thing that a person would keep when cutting out other forms of animal meat. Oh man.

Made chocolate-Almond cookies and lemon-butter sugar cookies today. So if you need a place to watch the superbowl and you want cookies instead of the standard poorly made nachos, you're welcome to come over :)

recents and resolutions

2010-01-03T18:50:00.000-08:00

Recently made:
lemon-sugar cookies
chocolate panna cotta w/ brandy-rapsberry whipped cream
lots of bread
biscuits
roast veggies
cous cous concoctions w/ veggies
seitan--needs perfecting. texture not quite what I can handle
cornmeal-cranberry cake w/ caramel sauce

recently accomplished:
--opperation christmas= success in a way, didn't get to ND, but spent lots of time with my family
--operation New years = success. not many people showed. but we're old and boring, so we really only need like 2 people and it's a party. plus I did a killer cheese platter with bread. and it was awesome.
--operation Maria's wedding = success. Incredible. She amazes me every time I'm with her. She truly inspires me.
--operation 9th grade essays= almost a success. enough students didn't turn them in that I'm not done grading yet, because they'll probably turn them in late sometime this week.

Resolutions?
I've never really been one for resolutions. I can hardly reach my day to day goals without realizing that, once again, I've bitten off more than I can chew.
But, keeping in mind that I, like everyone, am a work in progress and that God will take me step by step into becoming the person He wants me to be....I think my resolution is to follow God completely and stop stressing out about what I feel I can and can't do or accomplish (especially when given a timeline/deadline).

and to save more money.

I think that's good.

the conundrums of life

2009-12-13T20:04:00.001-08:00

I wish I could travel to Indiana, and Wisconsin, and Duluth, and Maple Grove, and all the places my friends are....but I can't get to because of the incredibly restrictive career I have. It's a trade off, with having summers kind of off--I'll be needing to work and take classes, so it's not a free summer, just a more free time than I have now.

gosh, I work so much. If only it didn't take so many hours to get done what I need to.

Recent cooking items:

oatmeal raisin cookies
parmesan-garlic bread
roasted beets with parmesan
butter-sauteed brussel sprouts
lemon-steamed veggies
cremini mushroom pasta with lemon-butter-thyme sauce (I added scallops to mine but not joshua's)
pumpkin-chocolate chip muffins
the standard risottos
veggie stew over homemade biscuits
the standard roasted-steamed-baked potato concoctions

so yeah. I'm not much feeling the christmas spirit, just because christmas mostly involves friends. And I am usually holed-up, working on schoolwork. and not the homework kind that means I now have a month off like it did when I was in college.

but I do love the Garmin.com commercial. that makes me happy.

Edgar and such

2009-11-18T15:47:00.000-08:00

josh is making me acorn squash.

And I'm teaching Edgar Allan Poe right now. It's fun. They think he's weird and gross. Hopefully that means they'll rememeber him :)

the goals

2009-11-08T17:11:00.000-08:00

the goal is to keep a positive attitude and to be diligent about my time management.

and I'm on the internet?

sloppy joes

2009-10-27T16:31:00.001-07:00

fall=sloppy joes.

vegetarian sloppy joes

dice half a red onion, one green bell pepper, one clove garlic
cook down in 3-4 tablespoons olive oil in a saucepan
add salt and pepper (lots)
crumble one block of extra-firm tofu into the saucepan and cook through
add--teaspoon chili powder, paprika
add--half-teaspoon dried chipotles, dried onion, garlic powder, red-pepper flakes
add--tablespoon-ish cumin (I use closer to 2)
add--tablespoon soy sauce
add--quarter cup red wine
add--another quarter cup olive oil
add--couple tablespoon barbeque sauce

serve on toasted buns with cheddar cheese

Josh scarfed down 2 heaping sandwiches of it.

a weekend of food

2009-10-25T17:15:00.000-07:00

Friday--Barbette's with the professors. AMAZING Halibut, wine, frites, and friends
Saturday--made Leek, shallot, and mushroom egg bake with moz, parmesan, and cream cheese and an Apple-Cinnamon panakuken
Then ate catered Buca's for Grandma's 70th birthday party. and an amazing bottle of Guvertztaminer.
THEN took Nate out with Josiah to the Muddy Pig.

saturday morning I bought tomatoes, peppers, shallots, eggs, onion, garlic, and apples from the farmer's market.

Today I made homemade tomato soup for Bethany, Reid, and their friend Sarah and made cornmeal pancakes to freeze for josh to eat for breakfasts and am baking cinnamon-apple bread.

all because I am avoiding my grading responsibilities.

so say hello to my new 5 pounds :)

edamame

2009-10-06T18:56:00.001-07:00

Just made edamame.

really tasty snack. apparently the edamame you get in the restraunts is specially treated to get rid of the fuzz on the soybeans. You can try to score it off with kosher or sea salt, but that's pretty much a waste of salt if you ask me. So I don't really mind the fuzz.

All you do is boil the soybeans in super-boiling water with excessive amounts of salt and two-3 slices of lemons. after like 10 minutes, take out of the water and put straight into ice water. Then drain and dry. spritz with lemon juice and more salt. just squeeze at the pods and the beans come right out.

also made the creamless creamy tomato soup that sarah K. posted on her blog a while back. super good. I made some slight adjustments--I used more bread because I just had cheap, flimsy bread. Also added a splash of red wine and a dash of basil. yummy!

in other news....teachering is difficult. kind of more like babysitting some days. I need a breakthrough in a couple of my classes, or a lightbulb, or something. Not sure where to go from there. Going through the cirriculum, but definitely need to get them more accountable, more mature, and to engage higher-level processes.

Josh will be home from work soon. It's nice to have a husband. especially when it's one of the few days a week where we're actually conscious at the same time for a short while.

I believe

2009-09-27T17:36:00.000-07:00

I believe in a 62 degree morning, bright and sunny. It says hello by moving the blinds and making the apartment smell like trees. I believe in welcoming such a morning with warm apple turnover with my husband and then celebrating life at the farmer's market--seeing the explosions of color and smells so full and earthy that you can taste the fruit and vegetables as you walk by. Old women pick through tomatoes for the best candidates for canning. A young boy on his father's shoulders asks for corn for dinner. A young woman takes a sample of watermelon and her face lights up. The fish salesman explains the difference between trout and salmon. The old asian man give the middle-age man an extra clove of garlic because he also bought a tray of sugar pees. The apple vendor suggests the Zestar apples for an eating apple, and the Mcintosh apples for baking. A woman on the phone calls her friend to tell her that the honeycrisps are out. The cheese family explains the aging process of parmesan and romano. Raspberries are regarded with awe and reverence--the delicate fruit standing out like a kiss on the spread of green cucumbers, beans, lettuce, peppers, leeks, basil, cilantro, mint, and kale.

And I could have stayed there all day.

Celebrating how real life can be.

friday night creations

2009-09-25T16:21:00.000-07:00

so on the drizzly day when I really needed a pick me up from this week (aka multiple days of multiple discipline referrals and always being late for soccer and never getting home before 6 or 7 and then grading and totally not feeling like I'm accomplishing much) I decided to make something warm.

so check it.

pilsbury giant cresent rolls-- the really big ones.

filled with this:
1.5 mcintosh apples sliced thinly, cooked in 3 tablespoons butter/2 tablespoon flour mixture
2 tablespoons maple syrup and 2-3 tablespoons of brown sugar, lots of cinanmom, some cloves, and some nutmeg

wrapped them up and made a cinamon-sugar crust on top. baked to awesomeness.

now I'm eating one and it is making my life.

dutch oven french bread

2009-09-20T18:39:00.000-07:00

heck yes.
I've now decided baking bread in a dutch oven (or if you're like me and don't have one, then a dark roasting pan with a lid) is the best way to make bread. way better crust.

Make regular french bread dough, knead and toss it into an oblong shape, slightly floured and put into the pre-heated pan. Cover. Bake at 475 for 15 min, take off the lid and bake for another 15-20. excellent.

in the absence of food pictures

2009-09-05T10:20:00.000-07:00

My camera broke so I can't post food pics for a while. But then, I haven't been making much new stuff recently--sticking with the classics--corn chowder, baked mac and cheese, beans and rice, burritos, etc.

the farmer's market rocked today. The egg and meat guy said it's always the second most busy weekend at the market. don't know why--maybe lots of people taking in part of their long weekend at the market to buy tasty treats?

so here's the scoop:
eggs
1/2 doz. corn, plus a few extra because the girl is nice
red potatoes
beets
shallots
red onion
cilantro
red peppers (ginormous!)
tomatoes
butter nut squash
zucchini
state fair apples
cortland apples

total: 28.25

here's the meal plan:
Sunday: Corn, fried potatoes, apple crisp
Mon: stuffed peppers and beet and carrot hash
tues: leftovers (I have 4 big peppers and I always make extra "stuffing" which is cous cous with veggies, spices, beans, and cheese)
Wed: leftovers
thurs: zucchini bread and leftovers/something with tomatoes
Fri: we'll see what's around

teaching on tuesday. kind of freaked out.

Glogster

2009-08-18T13:04:00.001-07:00

success on all fronts

2009-08-08T09:02:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to get ready for teaching this fall--9th and 10th graders! We're moving at the end of August/first days of September to a one-bedroom apartment. Yay for having space for a couch! Where we'll actually be able to have people over! The place is still pretty small--something like 650 square feet and the bathroom is nothing to brag about by any means, but it is more space, in a nice neighborhood, close to all my grocery haunts and Luce's still, and there's a lovely living room with 3 sets of windows :)

I'm getting moving boxes from a friend who just moved into her first house with her new husband, so that's awesome. Buying boxes that you just recycle later is so frustrating and counter-intuitive.

Farmer's market today was also a major success:

6 ears of corn

4th of july tomatoes (like a ginormous cherry tomato, probably 2 inches in diameter)

eggs

basil

chives

apples (early Oriole apples--making a crisp/cobbler for the hubby)

onion

shallots

red potatoes

a green pepper
carrots

beets

aged parmesan style cheese

so the cheese is uber expensive, so let's just say without the cheese I only spent $23.75. But whenever I get nervous about spending money on cheese, I think of Anna yelling at me for copping out on a worthy expenditure for the sake of deliciousness.

I made stuffed peppers, chocolate-raspberry cake, cheesy-garlic-dill biscuts, roasted vegetable risotto, roasted-red pepper hummus, and flatbread in recent history. So nothing new really. But this week I'm going to attempt Pad Thai again (asian recipes and I just don't normally work out), and attempt to recreate this onion-carrot-beet hash/salad thing that Anna made last time we were down in Wacouta to see her.

I feel accomplished--I'm trying to deal with the idea that we'll be spending nearly 2.5 months worth of income in the next 3 weeks to move, pay for the deposit and rent on the new place, invest in some shelving to compensate for the lack of cupboard space, visit Erin in Chicago, and party it up at Nikki J's wedding. So I'm trying to get back into frugal mode.

here's some pics I promised a while ago from Casey and Jon's wedding--

2009-08-05T11:23:00.000-07:00

will support anything and anyone you want me to--as long as every child in this country is given his or her right to grow up the way they were intended--healthy and kept healthy and with equal educational opportunities. Though I'm pretty sure wanting that makes me a socialist beacuse it involves "scary" changes like health care reform and actually funding education. I'm ok with that, though. I would like some people to come to my work where there are kids--KIDS--with medical conditions, no books at home, and not enough to eat and whose parents work themsleves into illness and exhaustion and tell me that we are a country of equal opportunity. So I guess I'm a socialist.

good mornings and goodbyes

2009-07-26T07:15:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure there's an AFI song with a title that's something close to the title of this blog...oh yes! Of Greetings and Goodbyes is the name :)

Yesterday I had two weddings--one for an old friend and one for a newer friend. Both were lovely and captured the couples' personalities perfectly. I missed the first reception to get to the second, but all went well in the driving and, really, I know from experience that brides are just too enveloped in happiness to really notice the absence of one person.

Congratulations to you both. Goodbye to your old lives and names--I know how strange it feels, almost as if walking through a one-way door into an alternate world where true love really does exist.

Weddings make me think of my wedding--and in some respects it feels like so long ago I was planning all of that, but it's only been a year and a half!

I have these thoughts about the passage of time and how time is not a consistent fuction of movement of the sun and planet like most of us count on our watches with little hands that point and tell us how long it's been since we swiffered the floors. I'll have to keep thinking on that one.

but now my back hurts terribly from the festivites and falling asleep on my stomach.

I shall post pictures later.

Camping Adventures

2009-07-19T18:33:00.000-07:00

The Husband and I went camping this weekend, camper camping that is. Still pretty wilderness-y for us city folk. We drove up to the in-laws' camper, dropped off our stuff and went to Jay Cooke state park and hiked for some hours. Then went back to the camper and made BLT's, Cucumber salad, and s'mores. This morning I made us chocolate chip-cherry pancakes. YUM!

It was such a lovely time....

started from the other night

2009-07-14T11:34:00.000-07:00

I didn't finish this...but am now coming back to it

From sunday night....

spilling my guts to someone always results in anxiety afterwards. You never know when you've revealed too much. But then, when someone loves you, it's never really too much. It just feels vulnerable. I don't normally do vulnerable because the only person who knows every singe bit of me is my husband, and revealing myself to him just feels natural and safe.

anyways, I can't sleep for a variety of reasons. Nervous energy, pondering questions from church, missing the husband whose side of the bed is agitatingly empty, and (once again) questioning my chosen profession as a teacher.

but I randomly went on a friend's xanga just to see if she still used it and this is what I found:

...I want to beg you, as much as I can,
to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart
and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms
and like books that are written in a foreign tongue.
Do not now seek the answers,which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them.
And the point is, to live everything.
Live the questions now.
Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it,
live along some distant day into the answer.
Resolve to be always beginning - to be a beginner.
- Rainer Maria Rilke(from Ripples Archives v3.43)

How lovely. It totally speaks to my heart right now. I want to learn how to live the questions--to love them and not fear them. to open the secret books and mysteries and breathe the musty pages in. Inhaling the story instead of disecting it. I want to learn to fight against the "now" urge that grabs me and threatens failure. And maybe if I'm not meant to really be a high school teacher, that change will grow organically from the soil of my heart--the creator planting new seeds there and tending them with care.

And maybe I won't question my own strength or vulnerability--maybe I can be both.
and maybe I won't question my ability to get a job--maybe it will just come
and maybe I could actually create something lasting and precious to the world--maybe it will just come out of my pen some evening
and maybe I could love the questions for their inherent innocence--wondering only why, what if. Like a child. Maybe I could just love and not doubt that it is real and not a creation of desperate fantasy.

just maybe I could become the question myself. a perpetual seeking of truth.

interesting thoughts for a Sunday night-dreary tuesday morning.

Aim.Snap.Fall

2009-07-13T18:57:00.000-07:00

I'm twisting a story idea around in my head, which is a big deal for me because I have issues constructing plot lines and not just imagistic creations. It'll be about the power of story. I might steal people from real life (sorry M and L--your love is just to beautiful to not be inspired by it).

And from this:

I want to tell a story about the power of a love story...if that makes sense. Maybe I can't do it. But if that's the case, I think the pictures speak for themselves.

more to come for sure.

The results

2009-07-07T13:08:00.001-07:00

This is the revised and edited version:

Lines like Pavement Cracks

My heart longs for the filling of absences that lie unrealized and unnamed
My eyes see the gaps, the spaces like spirits among the living—feeling but not grasping their significance.
And slowly the pieces fall into place
Across years and experiences, prayer and love
The absences become named
And become painfully real
And I find I am only able to continue in the hope that their reality tells of their ability to be filled
And this is what I have come to believe in: west-winded nights that paint the moon orange and speak to restless hearts
The comforts are innumerable in the face of all that would seek to disturb the calm of the spirit
My husband’s hand against my cheek is the constant touch I long for
A soothing voice can cut like a razor through anxiety, carving a space for sleep to fill and grow
The earth will hold her own, and comfort those who breathe her in
The strength of an outstretched hand far surpasses the human strength of the extender
The mountains may not have to be moved or reduced to rubble, only loved for their view of the valleys and lights below
The simplest of things—potatoes that smell like earth and not the floor cleaner of the supermarket, the bright green flavor of the garden’s offerings, and the breeze that moves the drapes like a dancer can restore the spirit
And in all of this—slowly, the spaces that become named and realized, the cuts that once ran deep, are filled and healed.

And I love this picture. It always makes me try to internalize what peace and contentment he must be feeling right here.

when all else fails

2009-07-05T18:18:00.000-07:00

When all else fails, he will be by my side.

the truth of this is overwhelming. Even when I look goobery next to him in photographs.

Second intersections of Art and Faith tomorrow at 7--I am flirting with the idea of reading this:

My heart longs for the filling of absences that lie unrealized and unnamed
My eyes see the gaps, the spaces like spirits among the living—feeling but not grasping their significance.
And slowly the pieces fall into place
Across years and experiences, prayer and love
The absences become named
And become painfully real
Only continuing in the hope that their reality tells of their ability to be filled
And this is what I have come to believe in the restless, west-winded nights that paint the moon orange and speak to restless hearts
The comforts are innumerable in the face of all that would seek to disturb the calm of the spirit
My husband’s hand against my cheek is the constant touch I long for
A soothing voice can cut like a razor through anxiety, carving a space for sleep to fill and grow
The earth will hold her own, and comfort those who breathe her in
The simplest of things—potatoes that smell like earth and not the floor cleaner of the supermarket, the bright green flavor of the garden’s offerings, and the breeze that moves the drapes like a dancer can restore the spirit
And in all of this—slowly, the spaces that become named and realized, the cuts that once ran deep, are filled and healed.

(not spaced correctly)

summer drinks

2009-07-03T13:03:00.000-07:00

Besides discovering that Trader Joe's brand Bohemian Lager is the perfect summer beer....

Sparkling Lemonade Ice Tea (above):

6 squeezed lemons with pulp (strain if you don't like it)

4 ish cups of strongly brewed lemon tea, really any variety but I used a ginger lemon tea that was very zingy to keep it tangy and bright

2 cups simply syrup (just 2 cups sugar and one cup water boiled until sugar is dissolved)

2-3 bottles of unflavored sparkling water

It was really intense, I would have more sparkling water next time and cut down to maybe 3 cups of tea.

Sangria Lemonade Ice tea (mine is nonalcoholic though from the name I'm sure you can think of additions to make it more true to the name!)

4 squeezed lemons with pulp
6 cups of brewed fruity tea (here's where the name comes from--) I used blackberry and Archer Farms fruit Sangria looseleaf tea--it's got this intense red color and bright fruit flavor.
1 cup simply syrup
2 more cups water
serve over ice--it's still really strong. It would be really good mixed with a sparkling white wine or a white wine/brandy/triple sec mix

Grocery Guide for St. Paul

2009-07-02T16:18:00.000-07:00

so I'm still avoiding doing dishes while my husband is at band practice.....

and if you know me, you know that grocery shopping is heaven and hell at the same time for me. I live for new flavors, tastes, and experiences, but I live on a budget.

Here's my own, unscientific, findings of the grocery scene in St. Paul. I've listed each of the main grocery stores in the 5 miles around my apartment and listed the items that each store has the best price, deals, or selection of.

Target:

Consistently cheapest milk--archer farms, though Rainbow often has coupons that make theirs the same price.
Boxed dinners for winter nights--their boxed pasta meals, though high in sodium certainly, they are fast and hearty
Flavored and spiced cooking oils--similar variety to other stores at cheaper cost
Great Spice collection--can find anything! not always cheap, but even crystalized ginger!

Cub:

Fake chicken cutlets (Quorn brand)
cheapest salad dressing
cheapest block cheese
Best price in the Mexican aisle--black beans, chick peas, torillas
cheapest dried pasta
Off-brand cereal

Rainbow:

Though slightly more expensive than Cub, Rainbow has good berry and produce deals with better quality 8 time out of 10
Bulk spring mix salad
better (though not cheaper) Cilantro
Arborrio Rice in bulk
In fact, EXCELLENT bulk foods selection
Great Asian asile
best price on Phil's farm fresh eggs, which is the brand I buy during the winter when the farmer's market slows down
Cheapest tolerable Romaine Lettuce heads--Kowalskis and Mississippi market are better, but more expensive.
Sara Lee bread deals pretty consistently (I get the whole grain white kind)
I found the cheapest organic Tahini here...not the best, but the cheapest

Mississippi Market

Specialty asian stuff
Bulk mushrooms--portabello, shitake (Kowalski's is essentially comprable)
Organic produce--best price on organics! I still can't always afford it, but it's the best I've found
great price on WI white cheddar
great bulk teas
best atmosphere!

Kowalskis:

Bulk specialty mushrooms--shitakes, big grilling portabellos
deli items for giving, picnicking (sp?) like potato salad, good rotisserie chicken, soups, breads, bruschetta, etc.
GREAT bakery

Trader Joe's:

best price on brie, goat cheese
Great wine shop
excellent olive oil prices
fancy chips :)
only place you can get some veggies out of season--not cheap, but they're there.
best frozen section ever--organics, great Trader Joe's brand veggie burgers (though they don't carry the Quorn brand)

Whole Foods:

I don't shop here. It's too expensive for the same quality you can get at Mississippi market, trader Joe's or Kowalskis. You're only paying for the name.

Feel free to check our your own grocery needs and make your own "guide list" that way you'll always go to the place you need! I make my grocery lists and see which store would be best for the items I need that week. I'll oftentimes adjust my plans on what I want to make so that I don't have to have to make like 9 grocery store trips in a short time. though, since I've been dedicated to the farmer's market every weeked so far this summer, I've been able to get a lot of things there--here are my staples:

red potatoes
asparagus
cheeses (romano, parmesan, cheese curds)
lettuce mixes
occasionally strawberries
tomatoes
peppers
basil
cilantro
eggs
apples in the fall
corn in the late summer and fall

I bought a whole chicken and a rack of ribs there and made them for my dad for father's day--well, my mom made the ribs. But here's the marinade I made for the chicken:

half a cup olive oil
salt and pepper
lots of lemon juice
thyme
rosemary
parsley
raspberry extract (I would use the juice from frozen raspberries if I do this again)--it makes it smell SO good.

I put it all in a big plastic bag and it marinated for 4 hours. If I did this again, I'd skip the whole chicken and just do chicken breasts--they'd probably absorb the flavor better because there's no chicken skin and you can cook them more evenly I would think.

avoiding the nasty stack of dishes...

2009-07-02T16:07:00.001-07:00

Roasted Vegetable Cous Cous on flatbread

So this was a random experiment that turned out MORE than amazing.
Earlier in June I made a large amount of roasted veggies. In a roasting pan I put chopped carrots, red peppers, tomatoes, and asparagus with olive oil and salt and pepper and roasted them in a 450 degree oven for about a half hour. Delicious in and of themselves but here's what I did next:

made a saucepan full of cous cous and tossed in my veggies and added a LOT of nice aged parmesan I bought at the Farmer's market. Then I put it on a bed of farmer's market lettuce on top of my homemade flatbread.

This experiment turned out GREAT!!!!

I also made pesto this week--3 HUGE bunches of basil at the farmer's market for only 3 dollars! In my food processor I blended what came to about 4-5 cups of roughly chopped basil with about a cup of olive oil, 6 cloves of garlic (yes I know, I maybe went overboard on the garlic) and probably half a cup of really intense romano cheese I got from the farmer's market. It made a lot (0bviously with all the basil) so I poured half of it in an ice cube tray and covered with cling wrap and froze it. I don't have a nice deep freeze, so I'm going to pop the pesto cubes out and put them in a freezer bag and put them in my parent's deep freeze so they last longer.

no picture of the pesto, but is is the brightest emerald green ever--it tastes so intense and healthy. Josh took some of it and put it on a french bread I made with mozarella and a slice of tomato and had almost like a caprese sandwich.

(I have the french bread and flatbread recipe posted earlier in this blog history)

babies

2009-06-28T18:56:00.001-07:00

So we have friends with small children. They're gorgeous and sweet like their parents. A while back I read an essay by barbara Kingsolver where she was talking about when she and her daughter lived in Spain during the Gulf War. One thing she noticed was how much the people there LOVED children. Strangers would come and give her little girl treats and toys, pick her up and spin her around, and compliment her to her mother. Arriving back in the U.S. Barbara Kingsolver writes that it was striking how much less the American public appreciates and loves small children. We have this inherent idea that children should be seen and not heard. Parents get nasty looks when their children cry in public, run through restaurants, or are just kids in public places. The very thought, real and present in our culture, makes me sad.

Parents take on such a huge responsibility and role in raising, loving, and teaching the next generation of human beings. And I applaud that. Of course, some people should not be parents, and do not choose their lives as parents or give their children the loving support that they need to grow, but that's not the point here.

The point is the rest of us. I told a friend today that I thought that it really does take an Island to raise a child. Myself, a friend, and this friend, her husband, and their two children were walking through Stadium Village and we were helping cart the kids around. She said she felt bad that we were helping her carry her kids. I felt hit with this weight of--how wrong. She should never have to apologize for her children. I told her--being friends, and being part of her life--obviously her children were a part of my life. That's how I want it--how it should be. To get one aspect of my friend, I need, and want to take all of it. And as cheesy as it sounds, at her children's dedications, I stood up with the rest of the congregation and promised to love and care for her children as well. And I do. They're wonderful. As are all my friends' babies. I love them. And I want to be a part of their lives--in whatever supporting, helping fashion that takes. Being a parent is hard. And sometimes parents think they need to be superheroes. And then they feel like failures when they can't live up to that. I don't have children yet. But I get it. When I was young there was a time when my mom couldn't fully take care of us. Her friends and my Aunt came through--we were always on the school bus on time, with a lunch in hand. Driven to dance lessons, dinner together in the evening. They supported us and our family so that my mom could carry her burdens without falling apart. We were always surrounded by loving second-moms, Aunts, godparents, and people who just loved on us. I want that for my friends' children. I want them to have that kind of network of "parents" and friends and Aunties. And so I baby sit. I carry, I hold. I pick up, I 'll feed, and do whatever I'm asked. I may not have the most experience with kids. Heck, I'm all thumbs when it comes to changing diapers. But I'll love on them. Because I promised to. And it's the right thing. I won't be one of those people who expects children to be invisible.

For erin

2009-06-19T18:50:00.000-07:00

This is for erin. Sorry I didn't take a picture of it. But this is right up your alley--

roasted vegetable risotto

Chop:
carrots, asparagus, tomatoes, yellow squash, mushrooms, and red onion

drizzle with olive oil and salt

roast in a dark bottomed roaster or grill on a grill pan until everything is tender

meanwhile....

heat up veggie stock in a sauce pan

heat up a large skillet (soup pot works--anything with a wide bottom)

drizzle skillet with olive oil

add 2-ish cups of arborrio rice to the hot oil and cook for 2 minutes

then add a ladle-full of stock

stir rice until stock is absorbed

add another ladle, stir, ladle, stir until everything is soft and creamy but the rice still has a little bite.

add your veggies (I made mine ahead of time and they had cooled, but putting them in the hot risotto perks them back up) (I also added the oil-salt-veggie drippings from the roaster pan into my stock to enhance the veggitude).

add two table spoons of butter and stir in.

at a quarter to a half cup of parmesan-mozarella mix. I used more parmesan because I had nice parmesan from the farmers' market handy.

serve! I made LOTS of veggies to have leftovers that we could toss in cous cous or reheat later.

2009-06-07T07:24:00.000-07:00

Everyone should come! I'm very excited about hearing how faith in various aspects of life, people, and God can be a place of art and creative expression!

Writers' group is also meeting on Monday at 7. At Pardon My French in Eagan, MN unless something changes.

2009-06-02T20:18:00.001-07:00

a student wrote me a letter saying that I've changed his life.

I can't get over this.

havent's

2009-05-30T09:29:00.001-07:00

So here it goes:

I haven't blogged in a while

I haven't cooked something new in a while

I haven't worked on my own reading list in a while

I haven't cleaned in a REALLY long while

I haven't worked out in an even longer while

I HAVE been grading like it's an obsession. it sucks.

I HAVE been successfully teaching Romeo and Juliet to reluctant 9th graders

I HAVE been going to the farmers' market

I HAVE been making plans for the summer for the writers' group

I HAVE been filling out job applications.

I wish most of the haves and haven'ts were switched around. however, this is not the reality.

I'm making a spring soup tonight. probably last soup of the season because it's too hot in our apartment usually.

it'll be good. and I'll someday have what I don't have currently.

2009-03-23T14:13:00.000-07:00

I have successfully navigated my first real day as a long term sub with only minor awkwardness.

but I am normally just an awkward person.

tasty treats

2009-03-18T08:01:00.000-07:00

some treats from the last little while.....

Red Miso Soup

Cheesy-garlic drop biscuits

Mediteranean Noodles with fake chicken.

Lots of things going on recently... my grandma passed away Sunday and the funeral is friday, which means I can't be with a friend on an important day, but she's incredible and was 100 percent supportive...but I still feel bad more for my own sake because I really wanted to be there for her.

So I'm off to Fargo Thursday and it's hard because of the situation and because funerals are always hard. My dad's been there all week and he doesn't sleep when he's out of town, poor guy. And my grandma was incredibly unhealthy, and, to be perfectly honest, it's a little surprising that she's made it this long. My friend Lyn told me that it was all for a reason, because we thought she was going to go this past summer, but didn't. I think it was so that she could die in her home, after spending a nice evening with her brother, after visiting some friends, and not with a feeding tube in a hospital. I think it was God reminding those around her that she was more than all her illnesses. Granted, they consumed her, her addictions, her illnesses, her anxiety, her depression, and her own doubt consumed her, but to her siblings, she was more than that and I'm glad they got to spend some more time with her.

I'm reading at the funeral. That's part of the list of to-dos for today. Figure it out.

I've also been picking up some hours at church again, which is a huge blessing. Josh's tips have been way down and I have hardly been working since I graduated because Urban can't give me more than 4-8 hours a week. Trying to supplement with this independant tutoring company, but it's such a wreck. If it would work, it would be incredible, but so far, I'm less than impressed with their organziation.

signing off to try to be productive.

My Heart: An Invitation

2009-03-13T15:25:00.000-07:00

I’m coming to a place where I can say that I don’t understand. I don’t understand why I believe that God is real. Or that Jesus is my Savior. Or that the Bible is truth reflected in language. I simply don’t know understand, except that I do.

Maybe I can’t explain it in empirical terms, or with linear evidence—but that’s the beauty—God is so much bigger than all of that. He exists where my mind simply can’t comprehend except to say that I feel His presence and simply understand that He is everything and more.

One of my favorite songs even challenges—“I think our God isn’t God if he fits inside our heads” demanding that we remove God from our western, linear, boxed mindset and let him be King and savior instead of limiting him to a pew on Sunday morning. While I may be made in the image of the divine, I am certainly a long way from fulfilling that destiny—something that probably can’t be achieved this side of Heaven, but I do believe that we are created for amazing things. We are created to create, accomplish, discover, heal, love, believe, sing, and grow into the people he has given us the possibility to be. We are created for amazing things—how else would we have Michelangelo? Mozart? Martin Luther King, Jr? Jane Austen? Mary Shelley? Maya Angelou? How else would we be able to create songs, to write words that hang with a powerful tension in the air, that rise and grow and build to the point of a near religious experience—if it were not intended for us to do by God? How else would we be able to write, to speak, to create works of fiction and personal revelation with an eloquence that belies our shortcomings if not for the purpose that lies within us like a seed planted from the hand of God?

I may not know much, I may not even really understand the truth when it hits me in the face, but I don’t think anyone has it all figured out. It is enough for me to love, be loved, and believe. And in this, I have grown to a place where I know I have a purpose—a mission, an intention, and reason for being here. I have a heart for artists—for the writers, musicians, painters, scholars, and dancers—who have been called and created by God to be extraordinary, but who, for many reasons including doubt, fear, and lies, have not yet found their voice in a world of other loud, hurtful, and unloving voices. The purpose of art is to inspire, to love, to shake, and to reflect divinity. I believe we all have that in us. But have not yet found our voices.
I think I am finding my voice. And this is my purpose: To restore and uncover the songs and stories of the voiceless.

On some level, I’ve known this all along. It’s why I am a teacher. It’s why I sit and listen to whoever will talk at me. It’s why I lead a group of aspiring writers and artists on Monday nights—instilling avenues and confidence where there was not before.
I’m in love with this book called Walking on Water: Reflections of Art and Faith by Madeline L’Engle. In it, she asserts that we all are created in the image of God, and by extension, we are creators and meant to create life, love, and art on this earth. My heart leapt at the idea—this is why we have this insatiable desire to make things, to try things, to create, to experiment—because we are being taught how to be like our creator. She also says that God’s children have always been capable of the divine—that we should be able to walk on water just as Jesus did—if only we could remember our purpose and remember our image.
And that’s what I’m doing—I’m walking on water. I’m leading and teaching a group of young people how to be creators, I’m in front of classrooms of students telling them they can write, and create, and express themselves, and I’m recalling the divine within my own being. But the hard thing is that not many of us can learn to walk on water on our own. We need to be taught, we need modeling, we need encouragement, and people around us to say, “step out of that boat” as Jesus said to Peter.

And I’ve realized how I’ve come here. My Church family, my little cohort of Sojourners who have promised to help me find my sea legs. My church family is a beautiful, dysfunctional, multigenerational conglomeration of people who all happen to show up on a Sunday morning, but who also love me unconditionally every single day of the week. Just this past week, one of the elders told me he would pray for me that I found a teaching job in the cities. Another young woman has been praying for the writing group that dreams would be realized. My pastor gives me a creative outlet whenever I need, and encourages my musician husband to explore his art both spiritually and socially. We are welcomed in to people’s lives—in good times and bad. We are sought out to pray and be prayed for. We have seen miracles and pray for even more. It’s not perfect, but then, nothing is really. That’s how it should be, so that we’re always trying to grow and seek God more and become more like him.

My church family has encouraged me to explore what God has for me, and what he wants me to do on this earth. They have believed when I couldn’t even think the word. They have a vision for the twin cities to see lives changed and potentials realized. And I am a product of this vision. I am a product of unyielding faith that Jesus, when welcomed into a heart, can make all things possible.

I have been taught to love. I have always loved—my family, my husband, my friends—but really, to love is more than that. Again, that same song quotes, “I think our love isn’t love unless it’s love to the end” and that’s so true. I have been taught an eternal love that doesn’t stop at shut doors, miles apart, petty fights, differences in opinion or background, or even at the choices people make. Jesus loves to the end—it’s why he died for us, and continues to die for us each and every day as his mercy is constantly pouring out on us. I am learning to be more like Jesus. To create in a world that would rather destroy and consume, to love those who won’t necessarily love me back, to walk in His footsteps when others laugh or think it’s weird, to be fulfilled in the purposes he has for me.

In that, I am so thankful for my church family. The vision of the church is something so powerful—so transforming—I entered as a nominal believer and am now ready to fall on my knees every day and thank God for the powerful transformations he is making in the people around me and around campus. I’m writing this not so that you would spontaneously believe yourself, because faith is anything but convinced or contrived, or so that you would give to the ongoing church need, because I believe God will meet all those needs in His way. But, I’m writing this so that you may consider knowing me better, learning the dimensions of me that you may not have fully understood before. I want you to know all of me and love all of me—especially this newly vocalized part of me that longs to help people create and fulfill their creative potential.

Sunday, March 29th, my church is having a Friendship service where we’re inviting all our friends, family, and past members to share our vision and what God has been doing in the group. There will be a presentation of need as well, as we are a desperately underfunded church, but that will be for former members and adults mostly. The main goal is just to share what we’re about and for people like me to share with their friends what they’re about and how we’re growing into the roles and purposed God has for us. I would love for you to come, just to see how and where I’ve grown, and the vision that has captured my heart to see artists and writers and all sorts of people realize their voices and their creative potential.

The service is at 10:30, at 310 18th Ave SE, Minneapolis, MN parking in the 4th street ramp is free on Sundays. There will be a meal afterwards and lots of time to chat. I would love it so much if a handful of friends could come—I desperately want to show you ALL of me—not just the parts of me that you know from high school, the music community, or from college—but all of me. I want to talk with friends and family and share the stories that are happening as a result of the church’s vision and how they’ve supported me. If you have any questions, please ask, and if you can’t come, that’s just fine too. It won’t be weird and no one will pressure you for your money or your commitment—the goal really is for our members to be able to share themselves and the vision with the people they care about who don’t go to the church—think of it like a “Jaci’s heart open house” :)

Love always,
Jaci

Superheroes

2009-03-11T08:27:00.000-07:00

hahahaha!

http://www.cpbintegrated.com/theherofactory/

It's ten minutes worth of great fun.

I have lots of job applications to do. And it makes me nervous that I'll type or write something wrong and won't get a job. It's silly, but I'm still nervous about the whole thing.

befores and afters

2009-03-01T18:14:00.000-08:00

Before Josh left to shoot his music video for Farewell Continental, I made him a batch of vegan ginger cookies to take on the road with him to share with the band. Though I didn't plan very well and didn't have soymilk on hand, so I didn't actually make them vegan, but YOU could :)

they're softer than traditional ginger snaps--don't be alarmed. they're still incredibly tasty.

recipe is from Isa Chandra Moskowitz's book Vegan with a Vengeance

2 cups all purpose flour

1 teaspoon baing soda

1/4 teaspoon salt

2 1/2 teaspoons ground ginger

1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon ground cloves (I had to grind mine in my coffee grinder)

1/2 cup canola oil (I use whatever vegetable-based oil I have)

1/4 cup molasses

1/4 cup soymilk (I haven't noticed a difference really, using whole or 1 percent milk instead)

1 cup sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

4 tablespoons turbinado sugar ( I use regular granulated sugar) for "sparkling" the tops.

preheat oven to 35 degrees. lightly grease two cookie sheets.

mike the dry and wet indredients in different bowls, then mix together.

roll into 1 inch balls, press flat and place into turbinado sugar (or regular sugar) in a seperate bowl to "sparkle" the top.

place on cookie sheet, sugar side up, one inch apart.

bake for 10-12 minutes, let cook on cookie sheet, then transfer to cooling rack.

I love to eat these warm or cool--so good either way!

after Josh came home, and I was having some friends over for an early dinner Sunday night, I made this:

The picture kind of sucks, but the dish is cheesy stuffed pasta shells. I made up this recipe:

Mix in whatever porportions you desire:

ricotta cheese

parmesan cheese

romano cheese

mozarella cheese

asiago cheese

mix with one egg combined with one tablespoon water.

cook shells until al dente (or slightly before)--get Jumbo shells at grocery store. you can get even bigger ones at specialty stores, but these work perfectly. two-three bites and these babies are goners.

douse shells in olive oil.

prepare large baking pan or pyrex pan by laying a layer of spagetti sauce (canned or store bought) on the bottom. (I needed 2 jars worth, you may need more or less depending on brand and taste--or make your own with diced tomatoes and tomato paste.)

stuff each shell with a large spoonful of cheese/egg mixture. it's okay if the shell is slightly broken or split because it's just going to sit in a pan, not move around. It's also ok if you over stuff your shells. I've never heard complaints from overstuffing.

layer stuffed shells on the base of sauce. then cover with sauce. Layer another layer of shells if desired. then cover with sauce. top with parmesan cheese.

bake for 30-40 minutes at 325-350 degrees for 25-40 minutes, depending on how cooked you like your baked pastas. I like mine slightly crusted and cooked for nearly and hour on low heat.

for my sauce I did a half and half--1 jar of ragu traditional sauce, cooked with 1/2 diced and sauteed white onion and 1 can petite diced tomatoes with sweet onions. I'll admit that I wanted to buy the plain diced tomatoes and got the one with onions on accident, but it turned out very nicely. sautee onion and tomatoes with a teaspoon or so of garlic and salt and pepper to taste. stir in canned sauce until heated through, then you're ready to layer your pasta!

Josh and my friends loved this--not bad for an on-the-fly-recipe :)

you could add other veggies, types of cheese, omit the egg and just use a little water to bind your cheese, or do variations of the sauce. No limitations to how you could make this--that's why I love it!

comforts

2009-02-26T07:39:00.000-08:00

The comforts cannot be measured--the needed cup of coffee, the fuzzy robe, the lightbulb that hasn't yet burned out, the wind outside that can't get in, the chocolate cake for breakfast, the good morning kisss from a loving husband, even the long list of work yet to be done is comforting because it is there--existing--reminding that there are accomplishments still on the horizon.

the comforts cannot be measured, they are innumerable when considered, and unfathomably deeper when weighed against the things that make life more difficult. The ripples of a stone in a peaceful lake only race across the surface, they don't dream of penetrating the heaviness of the waters that is the comforted spirit.

I make comforts for my husband. I think that's why I've fallen in love with cooking so much and work at it as obsessively as I have been recently. Well, I don't have a real job, so I have lots of time on my hands, but also, I have found a great deal of fulfilment in making comforts for him and for others. I think he understands, but even if he doesn't, I don't think he has to consciously be aware of the significane of what he's ingesting to receive.

He has a really important show tonight with Beekeeper and then he's going to be gone all weekend shooting a music video for Farewell Continental out in the cold woods of Osseo, WI. Somewhere in there he has homework to get done. and a test in his class Monday morning. Comfort foods are the least I can do.

Vegetarian Chili--Chop and toss

This recipe is really just a chop and toss. No real recipe at all. Just whatever you're wanting in your chili that day, into a pot, and simmered.

today it was:

1 red, orange, and yellow pepper, diced

1 package button mushrooms, chopped

1 yellow onion

2 cans diced tomatoes, with water (sometimes I drain them for a chunkier batch)

2 cans veggie stock

half a bag frozen corn (like a cup-cup and a half)
1 can canellini beans, drained
1 can dark red kidney beans, drained
chili powder, salt, pepper, tobasco, cumin to taste

optional: serve with cheese, sour cream, or chives.

I've used in the past:
cayenne, chipotle flakes, red pepper flakes, black beans, light red kidney beans, great northern beans, green peppers, zucchini, cremini mushrooms, carrots, white onion

I don't like to use fake meat in my chili--it darkens the taste too much and you loose the vague cripsness of the veggies and the distinct flavor of each of the veggies, plus mixing too many textures is not something I'm a fan of.

I also made french bread:

Again, the Joy of Cooking is where I go for my baking recipes because I wouldn't know what to do on my own.

4 cups all purpose flour

2 teaspoons salt

1 package (2 1/4 tablespoons) yeast

sift together, then add 1 1/2 cup water at room temp.

stir and stir until your arm falls off and the dough is soft and elastic.

put in an oiled bowl, cover with plastic wrap and let rise in a warm place for 2 hours.

when dough has doubled, punch down (that's my favorite part!)

separate into two loaves (or one big one if you have a big enough baking sheet), put on greased baking sheet and let sit until they've risen to somewhat less that double. Score with a kife in a couple spots at a 45 degree angle.

preheat oven to 400. preheat a seperate baking pan (like a cake pan). Take out of the oven and add 1 cup water (should steam a little) Put back in the oven and put bread in on the middle rack (water pan on the bottom).

bake at 400 for 15 minutes

turn down to 350 and bake for another 30-ish. 30 gave me bread that was still really soft inside. If you're a crusty person, go longer.

the water pan helps give the hard outer crust everyone loves on french bread.

the recipe said to also brush the loaves with a 1-egg white and 1 tablespoon water mixture to darken the crust like 5 min before it's done baking, but I buy expensive eggs and wasn't about to waste an egg white for darker crust. I'm pretty sure it tastes the same.

My loaves were kind of fat--a thinner, more bakery style long loaf will probably take less baking time to get all crusty.

And then, to top off the evening, I made Sarah K's vegan chocolate cake. I had everything but cider vinegar, but I swapped it for white wine vinegar, so I figured as long as I had everything, I might as well go for it!

that's Josh, eating the cake.

Thus ending a day of comforts.

In Transition

2009-02-23T18:38:00.001-08:00

Blackberries go well with white wine. In case you're looking for a nice snack.

I have yet to fulfil what the state now says I can be: a teacher. My task is clear: apply for as many jobs as possible, yet the prospect of such a task is more than daunting to my easily anxious spirit. I am also seeking a summer job, ideally one that will help my resume, but in reality, anything. I will substitute teach for Nancy for 5 weeks, but need something to carry us over until the fall when, God willing, I will have a full-time job. The finances are still tight, but then what young couples' aren't? I changed our auto insurance to save 30 dollars a month, which will really add up. We're also still cleaning the church once a week for some extra money, but with me only working 1-2 shifts a week at Urban because of Student teaching and now the economy, our savings has taken a hit and my credit card balance lingers for the first time since I've had it.

I am resolved in my spirit, that we'll be ok.

Resolved enough that I made a rather adventerous dinner tonight.

Cous Cous Stuffed Peppers!

Here it is:

Prep: Hollow out 2-4 nice sized red peppers. Green work too.

Dice:

half a white onion

half a green pepper

half a long zucchini

3-4 roma tomatoes

Open and drain:

can of black beans

can of chick peas

in a large skillet, soften onion and green pepper in 3 table spoons oil 5-10 minutes over medium heat.

add zucchini and half of each can of beans

cook for 5 ish minutes

add tomatoes and a splash of balsamic vinegar, a teaspoon cumin, red pepper flakes to taste, salt, and pepper.

While cooking, prepare cous cous--2-3 servings for 4 peppers.

add vegetables to cous cous, mix well, add a third of a cup mozarella cheese and a little less than a 1/3 cup feta cheese--mix well.

add fresh parsley and cilantro--a tablespoon or so of each.

spoon into hollowed out peppers

put into round pan (keeps them from falling over)

bake at 400 for 25 ish minutes. You want the peppers really soft.

Options:

*top with more cheese (any kind really) for a cheese-crusted top

*rub peppers with olive oil and sprinkle with salt before filling (watch more carefully so they don't burn, but this will char them more if you're looking for a more smoky, grilled taste)

*broil the last 5-10 minutes to brown and char for a grilled taste

*substitue cheese for parmesan or pepperjack for more spice

*use other veggies, add or substitute: corn, other beans, scallions, carrots, different colored peppers, eggplant, use rice instead of cous cous, etc.

*omit the cheese or use soy cheese and this dish is vegan.

Any extra veggie-cous cous filling can be eaten on it's own for a tasty warm salad, or put in a pita or as a flatbread salad.

Josh gives it his seal of approval.

Thai Soup

2009-02-18T14:11:00.000-08:00

Well, my long anticipated plans for the evening have been cancelled, leaving me with many long hours to fill by myself. So I'll finish my food blogging from the last few days. I made thai soup Monday night and shared with Mike and Tasia.

Check it:

Soak a package of rice noodles in warm water (enough to completely submerge the noodles) for 2 hours. Spice the water with salt, ginger, red pepper flakes, and whatever asian spices you have.

Dice and set aside:

Serrano peppers

Ref jalapenos or Red Fresno peppers

Green or Red thai chilis

as many peppers as your spice taste prefers. For a large pot I used 4 serranos and 3 Red Fresnos. The Thai chilis at Cub looked nasty so I skipped them this time.

On medium heat, sautee 3 large-ish shallots in 4 tablespoons veggie oil

when translucent, add peppers, garlic (3 ish cloves), salt, pepper

Add the zest and juice of a lime

cook down a few minutes and add:

8-10 oz. mushrooms--combination of cremini, button, and shitake are great.

3-4 carrots worth of shreddings, chopped so they aren't like carrot-noodles

cook down some more.

Add about have a package of bean sprouts (I never use a full package for anything, so if you can find them in bulk where you can buy just what you need, that's perfect. About a cup).

add three cans veggie stock

re-season as necessary (ginger, salt, pepper, garlic, red pepper flakes, chinese 5 spice, etc.)

toss in rice noodles and some of the noodle water

simmer until combined.

Garnish with cilantro and basil.

Other ideas: Thai soup and most asian dishes are famously versitile. I had lemon grass in this batch, though wasn't able to get it soft enough to be completely palatable. If you love lemon grass and can cook with it, add it! You can modify the type and amount of peppers, or any other vegetable for that matter. Bok choy or Napa cabbage shredded finely would be a nice addition as well. You could totally use fresh ginger root too, sliced extremely finely and diced. Add some soy sauce or try bean-thread noodles for a change, or for meat lovers, use pork, shrimp or chicken. The broth and noodles are really delicate and the citrus flavor of the lime (and optional lemongrass) really come through so you'll want a meat that pairs well--avoid beef.

The noodles break up after a day or so being stored in the fridge. Best if eaten within a 1-3 days of preparation.

That's what I have so far this week. I'm making butternut squash risotto tonight (a variation of Giada's recipe), I might post that. Otherwise, I'm out of cool food for the week. I'm not really working yet because my license is still in process so the food budget is really tight. Just so you know, though, the soup was right around $16.50 to make, not counting spices. So, that's around 8-10 bowls in the batch so that's somewhere between $1.60-2.06 per serving. I'm becoming a master at economical cooking.

Flatbread

2009-02-18T09:40:00.000-08:00

Josh loves my hummus. I make it all sorts of different ways. And it's super cheap-- cooked chickpeas, olive oil, lemon juice, garlic, salt, and pepper. All in the blender or food processor.

The problem is that store-bough pita bread or flat bread to eat with it is 3.00 for a bag of 5 breads.

This recipe makes 8 pieces of flatbread that are larger, softer, and probably healthier than the store bought kind for less money. I'm estimating the cost for this recipe to be about $1.50 taking into account the cost per cup of flour and per package of yeast.

(Ps. this recipe was taken from the new edition of The Joy of Cooking and is unmodified)

Combine in a large bowl:

3 cups bread flour

1 1/2 tablespoons sugar

1 1/2 teaspoons salt

2 packages active dry yeast (1 1/2 table spoons)

add:

2 tablespoons melted butter

1 1/4 cups room temperature water

mix well, then knead for 10 ish mintues until the dough is "soft, smooth, and elastic"

I found that I had to add a tiny bit of flour now and again to keep it from getting too sticky. It should be soft and tacky, but shouldn't stick .

put into an oiled bowl, turn once to cover dough with oil, cover with plastic wrap (I used a slightly damp, warm dishtowel) and let sit for 1-1 1/2 hours until the dough has doubled in size.

once doubled, divide into eight equally sized balls and let rest for 20 minutes.

then roll each out to an eight-inch round, fairly thin flatbread looking thing. The thinner the better, I think, just no holes or tearing spots.

Apparently it's best to cook on a baking stone, but I don't have one, so this is what the book told me to do:

invert a pizza, baking, or cookie sheet or pan and put in a 450 degree oven for 5 ish minutes to heat through.

remove from oven, spritz with water, wait 30 seconds, then place pitas on the inverted pan (as many that will fit without touching--like 2-3).

cook at 450 degrees for 3-4 minutes until the air pockets puff up, some will puff a lot, others just barely. Wait another 30 seconds, then remove from oven, place on cooling rack immediately.

they're supposed to be soft, maybe a tish of brown around the bottom edges, but not crispy. Toast them right before eating if you want a crispy flatbread. If you make them crispy at this initial baking stage, I imagine you'll have nasty brown frisbees instead of flatbreads.

eat! No preservatives so they'll probably only last 3-4 days if stored in a cool, air-tight place.

cupcakes and flatbread

2009-02-18T08:54:00.001-08:00

Hello and welcome to my evening alone with Joshua gone at practice for nearly five hours. Whenever he is gone I get all sorts of crazy ideas and usually bake myself right out of all usable dishes.

Here's what I did tonight since Erin will want the recipe:

Black Forest Cupcakes:

Makes 24-26 cupcakes....share them with friends. Much like a good song, cupcakes are meant to share.

Combine over a double boiler or makeshift contraption:

4 oz. unsweetened baker's chocolate, finely chopped
1/2 cup milk

1 cup packed brown sugar
1 large egg yolk

stir continuously until smooth. Remove from heat. Set aside.

Combine in a separate bowl:

2 cups sifted cake flour (or 7/8 cup all purpose flour with 1/8 cup cornstartch=one cup cake flour)

1 tsp. baking soda

1/2 tsp salt.

Combine in a separate bowl (I use a liquid measuring cup for easy pouring later)

1/2 cup mile

1/4 cup water

1 1/2 tsp. vanilla.

Beat in separate (large) bowl:

1 stick softened butter

add in while still beating:

1 cup sugar and 2 large egg yolks

then slowly add half the flour mixture, followed by half the liquid mixture, half the flour, rest of the liquid.

stir in the cooled chocolate mixture

fold in 2-3 large egg whites, beaten until fluffy, no longer liquid, but not too hard.

fold in a quarter cup to a third of a cup canned cherry goo. Get the pie filling kind with the cherries and goo.

Fill paper muffin cups with enough batter to cover the bottom

Then spoon in two canned cherries plus some goo.

Cover with more cupcake batter.

bake at 350 degrees for 20-25 minutes--potentially longer depending on how full your cupcakes are.

Let cool in pan for 5-8 minutes before removing to cooling rack.

They will be moister than most cupcakes because of the egg whites, extra cherry goo and cherries in the middle.

Wait to frost until completely cool.

Frosting:

heat over a double boiler until smooth

3 oz. unsweetened bakers chocolate, finely chopped.

3 tablespoons unsaleted butter

Remove from heat and add:

1/4 cup hot coffee (I like mine really strong, gives it a really dark flavor) could also use cream or milk.

1 teaspoon vanilla (I used 1 1/2 because I'm awesome)

gradually beat or stir in 2-1/4 cups confectioner's sugar.

It's a fairly liquidy frosting, letting it set for 5-10 minutes will thicken it up. Stir well before drizzling or spreading over cupcakes.

for more of a glaze, use an extra tablespoon of butter and substitute some regular granulated sugar for the confectioner's sugar. Not as thick, better for drizzling.

and of course, put a cherry on top of each cupcake. let frosting solidify before eating unless you're using a plate and fork.

I'll post the flatbread recipe later...great for dipping in oil, hummus, to toast with some olive oil and herbs to go with a salad, or just to eat :) stay tuned.

2009-02-12T20:03:00.000-08:00

"What dies before me is myself alone:
What lives again? Only a man of straw--
Yet straw can feed a fire to melt down stone."

Theodore Roethke, notes.

How lovely--to simply be straw for the fire.
To be utterly and completely devoted to the colorful, consuming, passionate fire of something bigger than oneself.

I suppose that we could all be straw for something: for art, for music, for relationship, for a cause, for peace, for justice, for youth, for education, for God--truly, I understand this idea best in light of God's power and glory; "For our God is a consuming fire" one translation even says.

And yet, a man can be straw for a fire than can melt stone--melt stone. How powerful, supernatural, that stone--a heart of stone, something as heavy and immovable as stone, as intimidating as a large stone obstacle--can literally and figuratively melt through the force of the fire that a man can feed with the parts of him that "live again," or, have been reduced to straw.

What remains after a death? After a loss? After tragedy and change? Roethke asserts what is left is a man of straw, seemingly useless, yet powerful in his ability to feed something larger, greater, and more powerful than himself. Or myself.

What dies before me is myself alone:
What lives again? Only a man of straw.

how lovely.

new wordle

2009-02-09T20:17:00.001-08:00

Everything that dies someday comes back

2009-02-09T19:43:00.001-08:00

In the spirit of the Boss, who will always have my heart, and inspiration from a fellow Bruce lover, I have been seeing the truth of this phrase replayed over and over in the past days.

Spring, for example, reminding me through this unseasonal rain that she'll be back after dying slowing in a blaze of radiant reds and yellows.

And what I've realized in this is the truth about dreams. Dreams often die with age, with seasons of life, with changing geographies and friendships, education and relationships....but they always come back.

The dream to open my own studio, for example, or to see Machu Piccu, or to learn to paint, and make homemade pasta; to learn spanish, to write and be published, to speak and be heard....they all come back slowly, growing steadily in the underground parts of my mind only to shoot up like the first tulip greens--unexpectedly still for all the waiting--fed by waters I didn't even realize were seeping into my spirit.

Even childhood dreams--the dancer, the painter, the mother, the gardener--everything I wanted to be and dreamed of being comes back from time to time, jogging a sensory-form of nostalgia from the feel of pointe ribbons, the smell of paint, a friend's beautiful baby, and the miracle of a landscape of little growing wonders.

reminding me that everything that dies someday comes back

but what to do with the presence of once-lost dreams?

what does one do with the ghosts that manifest, the baby stalks of memory returning--will they crowd and choke the present, blocking the sun, or be a lovely and fulfilling addition to the garden? Does Spring bring blessings among curse? Do the rains forgive fickle memories and breakdowns in willpower to nourish second chances?

everything someday comes back

2009-02-02T12:06:00.000-08:00

with all good intentions to start this, I find myself with insufferable headaches as a result of the teacher licensing process instead....

perhaps after writing group tonight, I will have something to share.